Woolite - It’s More than Detergent, it’s Safe-tergent!

1 December 2007 by Silky

Oh, woe is me!

Woe, woe, and thrice woe for my jumper has stretched.

Yes, sometimes life can be a right ball ache. You know how it is, you’re trying to put clothes on to go out somewhere (lets’ say, ooh, to Iceland, shall we?) but your jumper’s suddenly too big; stretched in the wash, damn it!

And then, just when you think things can’t get any worse, up pops Howard from Ideal World!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Who? I thought it was Paul Burrell finally scraping the bottom of the barrel”.

But you’re wrong.

It is Howard from the “in no way trashy and definitely not only watched by a very small under-class living on a council estate on the outskirts of Coventry” Ideal World shopping channel.

Come on you must know him, it’s Howard! No, not the one from the Halifax adverts.

Howard! He used to do voice overs on the BBC’s Points of Views. No, not ringing any bells? Haven’t you seen any of his 4 series of ITV1 Wales DIY show, Inspirations?

Tsk! Call yourself celebrity obsessed? How very dare you!

Well, to be honest, I’d not heard of him either. But amazingly, a man who needs 2 or 3 new letters adding to the end of the alphabet to accurately classify his celebrity status isn’t the worst thing about this advert.

No, it’s the fact that Woolite decided to describe their product as: “More than detergent, it’s Safe-Tergent!”.

What the monkey? “Safe-Tergent”?

Surely, surely, surely at some point, someone said: “YOU MUST BE FUCKING JOKING! SAFE-TERGENT??”.

Yes, we might have gone a bit safety-mad recently, but protecting our clothes from the threat of bobbles with “Safe-Tergent” takes the biscuit. Or it would do if it weren’t for Woolite trademarking “Safe-Tergent” actually taking the biscuit!

Honestly, there can’t be two washing powder companies unlucky enough to have a madman as their Marketing Manager, can there? I think, Woolite, I think that your “Safe-Tergent” might be, er, safe from copyright infringement.

I’m hoping that this advert is tapping into the whole Cillit Bang “knowingly camp as a Boy Scouts jamboree” style of advertising. But after the “Safe-Tergent” affair, I’m not so sure.

Either way, here’s the advert. You might want to cover your eyes….

Thanks to Simon for submitting this bad ad.

16Responses:

Keith

Said on the 2 December 2007

When this ad comes on, I have to blank the sound coz it’s on every five minutes.
Steve Heliczer

Said on the 4 December 2007

This is MORE than a shit advert, its a Shi-Turd-Gent advert.
Kristian

Said on the 31 December 2007

its not that bad. Howard has done a good job in this ad.

far better than Mr Clit Bang.
Silky

Said on the 1 January 2008

I’ll grant you that it is better than Cillit Bang! but I think saying Howard has done “a good job” is a bit of a liberty, Kristian
Buxx

Said on the 6 January 2008

What is he doing in the girl’s bedroom?
Why does one girl stroke the other’s jumper?
DN678

Said on the 10 January 2008

Great site.

And in reference to “Safe-turgent”. What in the blue hell is “safe-turgent”? Suggesting that any non-accredited safe-turgent is “unsafe-turgent”?

And how many will think “ooh…’safe-turgent’. Best get meself down to the shops and save all my tank tops”

Well, OK, a few I grant you, but surely not the sane amongst us.
Soapy

Said on the 10 January 2008

@ Buxx

Because this is not only ‘Safeturgent’ this is ‘Safesexturgent’
giaco

Said on the 13 January 2008

she sounds like the lil kid on the Glade ‘touch and fresh’ ad at the start
u just HAve 2 lisen 2 this again n again
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad
Pink Floyd

Said on the 13 January 2008

It’s like the 70’s never went away. He ought to be up for some sort of award.
Bryn Jones

Said on the 16 January 2008

They are not girls, they’re women. How old is the writer, in his 90s?
susichan

Said on the 31 January 2008

I just found this site… it’s brilliant by the way.

I was disappointed that this didn’t feature in the top 5 for december, although it’s possibly because the version featured here doesn’t include the “scientific proof” shown by a lead weight dropped from a height snapping a piece of fabric that has obviously already been snipped.

it never occurred to me it was taking the piss in the same way cillit bang does. I think it failed if so.
I want to cry when I hear “safe-tergent”
Dave

Said on the 17 February 2008

This has got to be the wankiest ad on the box, possibly one of the worst ever made.
Joanna Butler

Said on the 18 February 2008

its wankturgent
Hugh Janus

Said on the 24 March 2008

I wonder if it would get the mess off their shirts after I’d tipped my cement all over them? Anyone know the dark haired ones name? I’d iron her out.
Fred

Said on the 24 April 2008

This goes into the box labelled “ads that use made-up words to make it sound exciting” - what a load of dingo’s kidneys
Bobdog12

Said on the 29 August 2008

The antidote to these pseudo-scientific pretend words designed is just to add ‘you know…that thing’ after it - ‘..a safetergent’ ‘…that thing’ ‘nutrillium… that thing’ or -where relevant- ‘Polaris World’ ‘…that place.’ One minute your intelligence is insulted; the next it bounces back.