Volvic – The Volvic 14 Day Challenge
11 May 2009 by SilkyYou know what it’s like, you’re under pressure at work, you’ve got a busy social life, your family are driving you mental, so you don’t drink water for a couple of weeks only to bloody well wind up dead!
And let’s be honest, being dead makes you feel pretty bad, doesn’t it?
But thanks to Volvic – and their lovely scientists – all that tiresome “dying of dehydration” can now be avoided. Yes, they must have been working double shifts in the labs to discover that drinking water can – hold on to your underpants – make you *feel* *better*.
As scientific break-throughs go it’s really is up there with evolution and relativity, isn’t it?
Now, this is big news but Volvic aren’t fools. They realised that a scientific discovery of this magnitude is going to be pretty hard for the average Nigel to swallow. That’s why they employed Jimmy!
Don’t be fooled by the fact that Jimmy looks a bit of a spod. Maybe he’s not cut his hair in, ooh, 10 years and maybe he wears a headband when doing unspecified sports-type exercise. So what? Because despite his dreadful hair and dress sense fool you, Jimmy’s just like you and me. And if Jimmy’s doing the Volvic 14 Day Challenge then so should you!
But he’s off to a nervy start. When first faced with the Challenge he’s naturally intimidated by its scale (“That’s a lot of water” *gulp*!) but with the golden carrot of *feeling* *better* dangling in front of him he’s prepared to give “drinking water” a bash.
Hoorah for you, Jimmy!
And the challenge is a true voyage of discovery for Jimmy because, despite still being blissfully unaware on day 6 that water is readily available almost everywhere in the country, by day 10 he’s found out that drinking water is nearly as easy to do as eating food!
And by day 14, when he’s playing that unspecified sport – one that’s played in a cage, requires a baseball glove and an exceedingly camp run – Jimmy’s completed the challenge and, would you credit it, he *feels* *better*.
Hmm.
I hate to be the one to piss in your volcan mineral water pool but this whole 14 Day Challenge is such a horribly transparent marketing ploy (“Hey if we convince them they need to drink 1.5 litres a day for 2 weeks then that’s 21 x 1 litre bottles @ £0.63 equals… billions!”).
To call drinking water ever day for 2 weeks a challenge is beyond patronising (the only people who would fail to complete are those who can’t be trusted with scissors, not even paper ones).
To make the unmeasurable claim that completing will make you *feel* *better* is so Mickey Mouse that it’s not even funny.
Finally, the benfits of drinking lots of water have been debunked - once you’re re-hydrated, you’re re-hydrated. The rule isn’t the more the drink the better it is for you. And, unless your mother was a camel, there’s no bnefit to drinking a lot of water for 2 weeks if you’ve quenched your thirst after one glass of water.
So come on Volvic, cut the Jimmy crap and bring back the far less scientifically questionable talking dinosaurs.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(78 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
41Responses:
Andy
Said on the 11 May 2009
Strange how they forget to mention that tap water does the same job.
Pavlov's Cat
Said on the 11 May 2009
“I’ve got a 5 minute break , I’m just going to have a sneaky Volvic”
No you terrible cunt , you are allowed to drink water at work, that’s why companies have to provide water coolers, fountains or mains water taps.
The Workplace Health, Safety and Welfare Regulations 1992 covers this requirement.
Regulation 22 places requirements on the employer with respect to the provision of drinking water.It states:
1. An adequate supply of wholesome drinking water shall be provided for all persons at work in the workplace.
http://www.hse.gov.uk/contact/faqs/water.htm
If you were going to have a pint of lager , vodka & orange or a huff of the paint bag, yes you would probably have to be sneaky.
Andy
Said on the 11 May 2009
I’ve got a five minute break, I’m just going for a sneaky wank.
Pavlov's Cat
Said on the 11 May 2009
I always thought workplace wanks were ‘crafty’ rather than ‘sneaky ‘
unless of course you are doing under the desk whilst talking to the new Polish receptionist with the big tits, then I guess it would be sneaky and not a little wrong.
Steven
Said on the 11 May 2009
Ah yes, a cheeky ‘Volvic’, as of course it’s that different from other forms of water that it needs to be differentiated by its brand name so you don’t get the mistaken impression and drink that free shit out the tap instead, that of course will you cancer of the AIDS instead…
If I was of the mindset to do so, I’d complain that this breaches regulations on subliminal advertising with its bullshit faux-slideshow/video diary that flashes up Jimmy in an exotic, palm tree laden environment and tonguing his missus.
Abs
Said on the 11 May 2009
I hate anyone who refers to food as “grub”. Sub-Jamie Oliver prick, and that’s saying something.
Pavlov's Cat
Said on the 11 May 2009
Oh is it “cheeky” , my bad , I could only bear to watch it once.
Rach
Said on the 11 May 2009
I’m so glad this advert has turned up here, I have to press the mute button on the remote every time it’s on TV, it’s just so cringeworthy. I just hate the way “Jimmy” is supposed to be this likeable everyman type, when in reality he’s the kind of bloke you can’t get away from quickly enough because he’s so bloody annoying and even duller than the Boring Priest from Father Ted.
Ian
Said on the 11 May 2009
What a pile of shit…
That is all…
Bob
Said on the 11 May 2009
lethe
Said on the 11 May 2009
oh thank God I found this site, I thought I was going mad. Water never has been nor will ever be (except perhaps in some dehydrated post-climate change society) ‘cheeky’
lethe
Said on the 11 May 2009
Plus, as every deluded health nut knows, that stuff that comes out the tap or in 69p plastic bottles does diddly squat, this is what you should really be drinking to ‘feel better’
http://eletewater.co.uk
Archer
Said on the 11 May 2009
If I was forced to go round to ‘Jimmy’s house and eat his ‘grub’, and then the bastard gave me water instead of hard hard liquor to go with it, I would have to kill him.
Ian
Said on the 12 May 2009
I obviously agree about this advert being little more than a cheap ploy but I’ve developed a strange affection for this Jimmy chap to the extent that I get a little excited when it comes on. I know I should find him to be a smug twat but he has a certain charm. The fact he seems blissfully unaware of how ridiculously camp his running is only adds to the appeal.
HolaCow
Said on the 12 May 2009
I actually took up the Volvic 14 day challenge.
I must honestly admit, after that 14 day period, I found my life was bliss, I felt better, I didn’t hate my life/job/family/society anymore. I found I could easily accomplish masterful feats of physical prowess and brilliant wit, all only achievable by following the 14 day challenge*
* Note; Significant quantities of whisky were added to the water in this challenge scheme and the “masterful feats of physical prowess and brilliant wit” may actually have been drunken fantasies*
Marion Cobretti
Said on the 12 May 2009
Who the fuck plays baseball in the UK anwyay? Fucking nobody thats who!
Joanna Butler
Said on the 12 May 2009
yuk i hate this advert, so glad it was mentioned, the man is such a cock end.
James I
Said on the 12 May 2009
I play rugby, and am advised to drink 2L + of water a day, on top of food. I’m not going to pay Volvic for the cunting privilege though.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 14 May 2009
Is it me? Does he look like Shaggy? What has he done with Scooby Doo? Where is Velma? Is Daphne tied up in the basement? Why is there a suspicious Freddy shaped mound at the bottom of the garden?
These and many more questions will be solved by THE MYSTERY MACHINE!!!
PS Archer, I knew you would like a hard liqour….
Archer
Said on the 14 May 2009
Yup. Let me tell you about a REAL 14-day challenge…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 14 May 2009
Peach Schnapps eh, Archer?
SpunkyMonkey
Said on the 14 May 2009
I had to go and drink some water, cunningly hidden in a Fosters can, when I read Joanna saying ‘cock end’ ! Made me go all tingly !
Archer
Said on the 14 May 2009
I think we’ve all got a bit carried away with this advert.
Damn the French. And all their water.
PS For no reason at all I would like to add that I was taken to the Volvic bottling plant on a French exchange with school. I saw nothing there to suggest that I would be able to play unspecified sports if I drank their water.
But we were taken to a holy spring nearby where the limestone sediment in the water settled over the centuries to form likenesses of saints. Make of that what you will.
Phallus Nimrod
Said on the 15 May 2009
I’m pretty sure I mouth-boned this douche in an alley in 1974. His special sauce was thick like porridge; no way he’d been drinking enough water back then. Go Jimmy Go.
Thundar
Said on the 15 May 2009
Phallus Manboob?
Mate, it’s great to see you, unfortunately you need to stop harassing me for my special sauce, having a bloke hang out in front of your flat all day screaming for man love is a bit irritating
Ferret Face
Said on the 15 May 2009
I love the marketing ploy of Volvic in this one….
“Buy Volvic every day for 14 days!, we don’t promise, but we reckon that you will feel better!. And if you don’t feel better… Well… Then don’t buy it again”
Great….
Phallus Nimrod
Said on the 15 May 2009
Irritating? Or sexily desperate?
Chris
Said on the 15 May 2009
I miss Dinosaur Alan.
jimmymental
Said on the 15 May 2009
Dinosaur Alan fucking rocked! Penn and Teller are fucking sweet too!
Archer
Said on the 17 May 2009
I’m at my parents’ house, where they have different TV channels. They also seem to have a different Volvic guy. This one says that drinking water isn’t “rock and roll”, but he’ll do it cos it makes him feel good.
I’m not sure but I think I prefer their Volvic guy.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 18 May 2009
Water is rock and roll!! It helps get rid of the taste of bats….
Archer
Said on the 19 May 2009
I love my parents’ “rock and roll” Volvic man… and I love their freedom to watch it.
If only everyone would register and cast their vote on June 4th then, despite the politicians’ sleaze, we wouldn’t have to be scared of fascism.
And then we would all be free to watch the varied Volvic men and judge them in a free society.
Bex
Said on the 9 June 2009
I’ve seen a variety of different volvic men and women, Archer, and to be honest, I have embraced them all in my heart. I dream of the day they will join me and we can break free from this parched island and torrefied society and build a utopia of our own, on an island we shall name Volva, where every Volvician has the right to water (I’ve heard this somewhere before…human rights…?), at any time, any place, and we shall play unidentified sports, and write rock’n'roll songs exclusively about H2O (plus bits of rock residue), love songs, odes to this “feel good”-giving stuff. For too many years the Human Race has shunted this simple compound, arrogantly snubbing it. I say no. Let us drink, and we, my poor, lost friends, shall “feel better”.
Actually though, I used to have a drinking disorder when I was younger, so perhaps its the stupid sods like me its aimed at.
Bex
Said on the 9 June 2009
By that I dont mean I was an alcoholic at the age of 10, I mean that I drank very little of anything.
Bex
Said on the 17 June 2009
Its amazing how posting anonymous comments on a bad ad forum can actually make me detest myself even more
gertcha
Said on the 4 April 2010
I agree this ad is annoying but whats even more annoying is anyone who proclaims that “this ad is nothing more than a marketing ploy” as if that makes it somehow different from every single other ad ever made for any other product ever sold.
Tommy
Said on the 5 April 2010
oh god its back!
JO
Said on the 10 April 2010
It’s back!!! Correct – the worst TV advert. Dreadful. You can hear the marketing manager briefing the agency now – I want to create a viral buz about our product – brief; convince everyone to drink our product more and then sales will spike. Agency can’t think of anything like a meerkat, or maybe they did and client wasn’t brave enough – so lets just use up the production budget producing a mock movement phenomenon to create a fake viral campaign which is just missing anything believable. The worst bit is – it must have worked… Oh brother.
frankie smales
Said on the 14 June 2010
the volvic 14 day challenge is by far the worst challenge ever
if you constantly drink nothing but volvic for thoes 14 days
you will end up running to the lavatorie every 5mins a day
me personaly i’d rather drink tea and coffee and the advert itself is
annoying to say the least only people who drinks nothing but
expensive water is people who keeps fit and thoes wh do not drink
caffein drinks.
frankie smales
(frankie smales movie and tv review uk)
AJXX
Said on the 14 June 2010
“I’m off for a cheeky Volvic” cheeky Volvic? what a fucking bellend
Trinity James
Said on the 11 August 2010
sometimes the fit on my baseball glove is not very good *;*
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