VO5 - Extreme Style - Break the Mould
May 8th, 2008I’ve mentioned previously that I’m not the biggest fan of the fashion industry. And anyone who’s seen the way I dress will tell you it’s true.
No, to me, fashion is the 10lb floater in the public toilets of modern life. Even the smell of fashion makes me retch if I get within, let’s say, ooh, 10 feet of it.
And that’s standing upwind.
But some people like the smell. In fact they love it. And they like the feeling too.
So they dip their hands in the bowl and smear the fashion turd all over their bodies. God it makes them feel so good, it’s almost sexual. It’s kind of like covering your body in fashion chocolate sauce except it’ll give you fashion hepatitis when you lick it off.
And when I see these people walking down the street I can’t help but think, as I tuck my navy blue polo shirt back into my jeans and do my belt up another notch:
“What do you look like wearing that shit?”
But it often does make people feel good about themselves because the message from the fashion industry is so often “Wear this and it’ll make you unique and special”.
And we all wish we were special, right? So very special.
But the fashion industry is a creep and what people don’t hear - because the fashion industry puts its hand over its mouth and says it in a whisper - is that “We made 500,000 of them in China last month alone! You fools!”.
Take the VO5 Extreme Style hair, erm, wank, for instance.
By putting the hair, erm, wank through your, erm, hair you can transform yourself from just another uniform, faceless, erm, soldier into a unique and special, erm, soldier. Or some shit like that.
In fact, it will make you so unique and special that you’ll have hair that only looks exactly like the hair of 7 other people on the military base that you’ve been mysteriously taken to.
Oh, and it will mean you’ll get to hold hands and cuddle on a Jeep. Ahh.
Note: If you really want to see unique hair you should see mine first thing in the mornings. Then again in the afternoon when I try to tame it but only make it worse.
Obviously what’s seemingly lost on the non-conformist, mould-breakers is that by buying this product they’ll be conforming to the business model or mould, if you will, that the hair, erm, wank manufacturers have devised or cast, if you will.
Tsk, I bet all those non-conformists feel pretty stupid right about now, don’t you?
Just How Bad is this Ad?
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7Responses:
Jonny Chestwig
May 8th, 2008 9:27 pm
May I recommend that any prick who feels they have to ‘express themselves’ through the medium of their own hair hangs themselves and their families.
I’m also a bit concerned about all these kids wearing ’skinny jeans’ nowadays, it can’t be healthy having your stones constricted in that way.
Oh and polo shirt and jeans is the look of the discerning gentleman, just like a suit will never go out of fashion, neither will that combo.
Silky
May 8th, 2008 9:51 pm
God, don’t get me started on skinny jeans. I’m never quite sure how young’uns can hang those things quite so precariously low over their bum cheeks.
Am I the only one that secretly wants to run up behind low slung skinny jeans wearers and pull them down?
Does that make me a bad person?
Mike Empuria
May 9th, 2008 4:44 am
I like having nice hair, it makes me float like a feather in a beautiful world, but to express yourself through your hair does seem a little strange. I mean, I’ve heard of artists expressing themselves through the medium of dance, music, oil, mime (learn the words!) etc but never hair.
As to the pulling down jeans thing - you’re not a bad person. You’re a weirdo.
Crazy Dave
May 9th, 2008 11:01 pm
Not going to get on my high horse about this but like every smart arse complaining about ‘fashion’ you have failed to define exactly what you’re talking about. The laws of physics dictate that shops can’t simultaneously stock every style of clothes every designed at one time, so without a change in shop stock, we’d all be stuck wearing whatever happened to be in the shops… shell suits forever, perhaps. Certain things being ‘in fashion’ is a natural progression of that and at least leads to variety.
Yeah you’re a twat if you only ever wear what’s in the magazines regardless of what it looks like, but this is a great way of telling who’s a clueless retard without having to talk to them (usually if they’re wearing white synthetic ‘city shorts’ ). And yeah it does mean that I can’t buy jeans for 6 months because they’re all elasticated at the ankle, but thanks to fashion, I’ll have the choice of something different in a few weeks.
Mad Mike
May 10th, 2008 10:07 am
Wasn’t there a similar advert but based in a different army base, maybe far-eastern. This is the one I was thinking I was going to be watching, it had a cuter girl in with spikier hair. But they still both went off and held hands in the jeep.
I had a look on youtube but I’m crap at searching.
Keith
May 10th, 2008 11:57 am
I don’t like the ad, but I quite like the squeaky music.
Granny Farts
July 24th, 2008 9:21 pm
im glad some1s posted this, it really annoys me
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