VO5 – Extreme Style – Break the Mould
8 May 2008 by SilkyI’ve mentioned previously that I’m not the biggest fan of the fashion industry. And anyone who’s seen the way I dress will tell you it’s true.
No, to me, fashion is the 10lb floater in the public toilets of modern life. Even the smell of fashion makes me retch if I get within, let’s say, ooh, 10 feet of it.
And that’s standing upwind.
But some people like the smell. In fact they love it. And they like the feeling too.
So they dip their hands in the bowl and smear the fashion turd all over their bodies. God it makes them feel so good, it’s almost sexual. It’s kind of like covering your body in fashion chocolate sauce except it’ll give you fashion hepatitis when you lick it off.
And when I see these people walking down the street I can’t help but think, as I tuck my navy blue polo shirt back into my jeans and do my belt up another notch:
“What do you look like wearing that shit?”
But it often does make people feel good about themselves because the message from the fashion industry is so often “Wear this and it’ll make you unique and special”.
And we all wish we were special, right? So very special.
But the fashion industry is a creep and what people don’t hear – because the fashion industry puts its hand over its mouth and says it in a whisper – is that “We made 500,000 of them in China last month alone! You fools!”.
Take the VO5 Extreme Style hair, erm, wank, for instance.
By putting the hair, erm, wank through your, erm, hair you can transform yourself from just another uniform, faceless, erm, soldier into a unique and special, erm, soldier. Or some shit like that.
In fact, it will make you so unique and special that you’ll have hair that only looks exactly like the hair of 7 other people on the military base that you’ve been mysteriously taken to.
Oh, and it will mean you’ll get to hold hands and cuddle on a Jeep. Ahh.
Note: If you really want to see unique hair you should see mine first thing in the mornings. Then again in the afternoon when I try to tame it but only make it worse.
Obviously what’s seemingly lost on the non-conformist, mould-breakers is that by buying this product they’ll be conforming to the business model or mould, if you will, that the hair, erm, wank manufacturers have devised or cast, if you will.
Tsk, I bet all those non-conformists feel pretty stupid right about now, don’t you?
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(20 votes, average: 3.70 out of 5)
16Responses:
Jonny Chestwig
Said on the 8 May 2008
May I recommend that any prick who feels they have to ‘express themselves’ through the medium of their own hair hangs themselves and their families.
I’m also a bit concerned about all these kids wearing ‘skinny jeans’ nowadays, it can’t be healthy having your stones constricted in that way.
Oh and polo shirt and jeans is the look of the discerning gentleman, just like a suit will never go out of fashion, neither will that combo.
Silky
Said on the 8 May 2008
God, don’t get me started on skinny jeans. I’m never quite sure how young’uns can hang those things quite so precariously low over their bum cheeks.
Am I the only one that secretly wants to run up behind low slung skinny jeans wearers and pull them down?
Does that make me a bad person?
Mike Empuria
Said on the 9 May 2008
I like having nice hair, it makes me float like a feather in a beautiful world, but to express yourself through your hair does seem a little strange. I mean, I’ve heard of artists expressing themselves through the medium of dance, music, oil, mime (learn the words!) etc but never hair.
As to the pulling down jeans thing – you’re not a bad person. You’re a weirdo.
Crazy Dave
Said on the 9 May 2008
Not going to get on my high horse about this but like every smart arse complaining about ‘fashion’ you have failed to define exactly what you’re talking about. The laws of physics dictate that shops can’t simultaneously stock every style of clothes every designed at one time, so without a change in shop stock, we’d all be stuck wearing whatever happened to be in the shops… shell suits forever, perhaps. Certain things being ‘in fashion’ is a natural progression of that and at least leads to variety.
Yeah you’re a twat if you only ever wear what’s in the magazines regardless of what it looks like, but this is a great way of telling who’s a clueless retard without having to talk to them (usually if they’re wearing white synthetic ‘city shorts’ ). And yeah it does mean that I can’t buy jeans for 6 months because they’re all elasticated at the ankle, but thanks to fashion, I’ll have the choice of something different in a few weeks.
Mad Mike
Said on the 10 May 2008
Wasn’t there a similar advert but based in a different army base, maybe far-eastern. This is the one I was thinking I was going to be watching, it had a cuter girl in with spikier hair. But they still both went off and held hands in the jeep.
I had a look on youtube but I’m crap at searching.
Keith
Said on the 10 May 2008
I don’t like the ad, but I quite like the squeaky music.
Granny Farts
Said on the 24 July 2008
im glad some1s posted this, it really annoys me
Cathryn
Said on the 12 August 2008
i have to disagree with you there Keith, i love this advert, it’s funny
& the music is something that gets stuck in your head
& you sing to
alllll good
Goit
Said on the 19 August 2008
Break the mould! I want to be an individual, just like everyone else!!
This advert with their androgynous drones and that other bounce back extreme football in a car park can lick the sweat from the crack of my poorly wiped arse.
Granny Farts
Said on the 1 September 2008
keith i hate the squeaky music.
Anyway I pretty sure this isnt how life is in the army. Why did the drill sargent walk of in a huff after they all did there hair up like poof bags? What sort of gayness is this? Yes this is an advert for the tight jean wearing benders who wouldnt be seen near an army camp.
I HATE IT
Granny Farts
Said on the 1 September 2008
Cathryn, if you think this advert is funny then theres no hope for you, what part was it that made you laugh?
eric
Said on the 19 September 2008
you were expecting a cuter girl?! She’s a cute as can be, dude.
Luke
Said on the 21 October 2008
This ad is really cool and its refreshing to see something a bit different from vo5. All the Loreal/shockwaves crap is so much worse than this. Silky- you’re intro highlights that you were obviously the last kid to be picked in the playground and your rantings are blatently routed in deep insecurity.
Are you also bald by any chance?
Silky
Said on the 22 October 2008
You’ve got me, Luke. I am very insecure indeed.
God, I’m so ashamed of myself I can’t even bring myself to use my real name.
And I was always the last person to be picked in the playground.
Fortunately I went to one of those schools where they played the biscuit game quite a lot. So who cares if you’re first or last!
Am I wrong, Luke? Am I wrong?
Ad Hater 2.0
Said on the 25 February 2010
The new VO5 advert is utterly fucking disgusting, I just want to PUKE everytime I see it! It shows people taking their heads off of their bodies. I’d understand if this was on after 9PM but not at fucking 6PM! I certainly don’t want to see this horrible advert while I am eating! Imagine if young kids saw this. They’d be absolutely fucking TERRIFIED! How was this ad allowed to be shown? BAN THIS AWFUL CRAP NOW!
FookYou
Said on the 21 August 2010
If you don’t like adverts….why not get Sky+ and fast forward through them?
You whiney little bitches
“waaa waaaa I am outraged ….rabble…. rabble!” PUSSIES!
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