Even those of us with only a rudimentary grasp of human biology know that there are 2 types of sex configurations.

But now-a-days what with all this sexual equality guff (women wearing trousers?) and an obesity epidemic that makes most men have breasts that would put Katie Price to shame, it’s getting harder to tell the sexes apart without asking people to drop their trousers.

Fortunately for the less gropey, science has come up with an answer – the Keys Factor.

The Keys Factor (KF) enables laymen to judge whether the person they’re about to sleep with (either for professional or purely pleasure reasons) is of the male or female persuasion.

Here’s how it works: someone with a high KF score is very manly and likely to be a man. Someone with a low KF score is very feminine and likely to be a lady.

Simple.

Using the KF scale scientists have proven that they are catagorically no females in some parts of Eastern Europe and not a single female in all of South America. They have also found that the male professional cyclist is, on average, 57% more female than French women. FACT.

Despite this overwhelming evidence I was dubious that lowering the Keys Factor could make a woman more feminine, so I did a little test of my own.

I took the hairiest woman I could find on the streets of London and made her sit in a bath of Veet for an entire day.

Amazingly, it worked!

If you don’t believe me, check out the before and after pictures below:

Before:

After:

She’s quite the stunner, I think you’ll agree.

Note to Reader: My lawyers have asked me to point out that under no circumstances should you sit in a bath of Veet for an entire day.

God only knows what it might actually do.

Judge for yourself.

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