Vauxhall – Insignia
16 April 2009 by SilkyYou know what it’s like, you the head of an international car company – or possibly a toothpaste salesman from Sidcup – when you hear that a rival company is developing a replacement for the most boring car ever made and, naturally, you’re desperate to find out more about it.
So what do you do?
That’s right! You send the product from an unholy union of Ethan Hunt, Jack Bauer and Jason Bourne to infiltrate your rivals test facility and covertly gather information about the new car.
God, this is going to be exciting.
At least it would be exciting if only the industrial spy they selected weren’t so completely useless that he’s totally flummoxed by what he finds. So much so that his report consists of nothing more than “It’s as if it can…” and “The light have some kind of…” and “I don’t know what kind of engine it is.”
That’s it? We paid you, how much? And that’s all you got? “It’s as if it can see?” What are we supposed to do with that? Worst. Industrial spy. Ever. Get out!
Plus they are going to kick themselves when they find out that they could have saved themselves all this bother just by texting “insignia” to 84464.
If only they’d watched the advert.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(27 votes, average: 2.67 out of 5)
20Responses:
Jellyfish McSaveloy
Said on the 17 April 2009
“It’s as if it can see!”. So it reads speed signs. Well whoopee fuck – I’ve been doing that for years. Is that the best gimmick they can some up with? Sheesh.
And have you seen the thing in the flesh as it were? Sweet Jesus monkey balls but it’s ugly. The Vectra was just dull but this is out and out gag-inducingly repulsive. Sorry chaps, but you just can’t polish a turd, especially one so eye-meltingly ugly, slimy and liquid as this one. Do yourself a favour: Stop wasting what little cash you have on crap gadgets that no one cares about and pay your stylists a little more. Oh and while you’re at it, get soemone who knows about chassis design and suspension set up involved and then you might actually make a car people want.
for the discerning sales rep/lower middle manager, the choice is simple: Assuming your budget won’t stretch to a 3-series Beemer (because you are an aspirational little twerp if nothing else) then it’s this or a Renault/VW/etc or a Mondeo. And frankly the Mondeo wins hands down against all comers, Beemer included, as it’s good looking and good to drive. After that, its all just garnish.
Can the ad and can the car. This is every bit as bad as the ad which used a court case to try and prove that the then new Vectra was better than the last one because it had a new cup holder or soemthing. Muppets.
Ian
Said on the 20 April 2009
I actually didn’t mind this advert at all. Wouldn’t make me buy the product, just makes me go ooo, flashy ad
Nytrydr
Said on the 23 April 2009
Unfortunately, I have to say this ad is better than the pilot for the new Knight Rider Series I waited 20 odd years for. And yes, they were very odd years, you have an expression on your face like that is a bad thing…
Anyhoo, Crap car, but the ad totally doesn’t suck as an ad, but when they make it a feature length film, it will blow chunks.
Ad clearly made by the team behind the new Transformers films – you’ll see what I mean when they pad it out into a feature length movie where the only good bits were already seen in the ad a year ago.
SpunkyMonkey
Said on the 25 April 2009
I sat behind one of these one the M1 the other day, and just thought, ‘oh, is that it?’. Looks verrrry boring and a bit girly in a strange way. Have to agree about the Mondeo, far better looking car, and thankfully not as common as they were a few years back. That privilege goes to the BMW, which has managed to be the Ford Escort of current years, with every little chav owning one. God knows why, cheap plastic Airfix type controls and loved by drug dealers everywhere……
Silky
Said on the 25 April 2009
Genuinely having a new BMW delivered on Thursday… I feel so chav-tastic!
SpunkyMonkey
Said on the 25 April 2009
Really? I salute your website, but not your taste in cars or your sense of originality…..
Matching Burberry seat covers by any chance haha?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 25 April 2009
Why? Why a Beamer when you could have had a car as beautiful as this?
http://www.newcarnet.co.uk/new_Alfa%20Romeo_159.html?serialno=45691
Is it the badge?
http://www.newcarnet.co.uk/new_Jaguar_X-Type.html?serialno=43901
Or the engineering?
http://www.newcarnet.co.uk/new_Mercedes-Benz_C-Class.html?serialno=52502
With so much choice in this price bracket… who in their right minds buys a Mondeo, or a Vectra (whoops, I meant Insignia)?
Silky
Said on the 26 April 2009
What can I say, it’s a company car and it was either that or a Golf – now there’s a chav-mobile…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 26 April 2009
I can see you driving down the road listening to Happy Hardcore 3,885,092 (The only hardcore album you’ll ever need) in a Golf….
SpunkyMonkey
Said on the 26 April 2009
I think Golfs only qualify as Chav-mobiles if they are circa ‘T’ reg and silver/black, although I could be wrong.
I know Mondeos are a bit pants, but I must say I do like the new one thats out at the moment, seems quite refined. Had a Vectra and they are shite,no doubt the Insignia is the same. Alfa Romeos are fine as long as you don’t mind your electrics going tits up. And Mecedes, nice to look at, though even worse interiors than a Beemer.Why does everybody buy them in silver, looks soooo old-man car !
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 26 April 2009
All Italian cars have shite electrics… I learned to drive in a Fiat Punto, and I swore I would never, ever, as long as I have a hole in my arse, own a Fiat. Every single lesson one of the lights stopped working, and it has a buzzer thet tells you it is broken, why does that never breakdown? I never said the Alfa was reliable, or even convenient – the boot release is on the roof for god’s sake, I just said it was a piece of steel-crafted artwork that makes the BMW 3 series look like a £2 hooker. And that makes the Insignia look like a polished dog turd, shiny, but you still avoid it like the plague…
david
Said on the 27 April 2009
join the taleban !
Pantsman
Said on the 27 April 2009
Telly ban?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 30 April 2009
Is it me, or is the new MacFatties advert taking the piss out of this one?
I’ve looked around but can’t find the link, have to get a TV Adaptor for my PC, just so I can share the shiteness…
Cami
Said on the 16 May 2009
oh gosh cringetastic! If it was for an Aston Martin or Masarati then OK, but vauxhall?? lol
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 17 May 2009
See Silky, next time you are getting a car ask me or Cami, we won’t let you look like a drug dealer…
Alex.K
Said on the 20 May 2009
It’s a lovely car, shame about the advert.
I just got a black Insignia SE 2.0 Turbodiesel and I’m delighted with it. Sleek looking saloon with the 18-inch wheels, it’s got sat nav, it handles well, 160 Bhp with plenty of torque and thank God it’s not a Mondeo.
At last a brilliant midsize car from Vauxhall.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 20 May 2009
# At last a brilliant midsize car from Vauxhall. #
They really should stop floridating the water…
EDDD
Said on the 21 March 2010
It is actually a gvood car tho.. why they had to spoil it with such a shitty ad i will never know
UR FRIEND LOL
Said on the 2 January 2011
ur points are funny and true and all you sat there saying “Vauxhall lol” trust me it’s a great car and not the same crap as before, the whole company is new, a British company owned it before and made it fail but now a Canadian company bought it and have completely changed it all cars look good now and are all good for their price.