Top Gear - The DVD Game
20 December 2007 by SilkyGod, I hate Top Gear.
Which is strange because I come from a family of mechanics and grew up obsessed with cars and motor racing.
But Top Gear has so very little to do with cars now-a-days. In fact it’s as close to motoring journalism as the porno version of Animal Farm is to an animal husbandry documentary.
No. For me, Top Gear now falls into the category “wankertainmentâ€. Made for wankers by wankers. You have to be a wanker to find it entertaining and if you find it entertaining you are, ergo, a wanker (FYI: Other shows in this category are Soccer AM and anything with Vernon Kaye).
It takes the 70’s stereotype of a car being an extension of a man’s penis and has it surgically extended then chews on a barrel of Viagra.
If making a great car is like making great art then Top Gear’s approach to this art is akin standing in front of the Venus de Milo and shouting at the top of your voice “NICE TITS†across the Louvre.
God, I hate Top Gear.
Oh and don’t get me started on Clarkson.
The tight jeans. The sports jacket. The Rolly from Eastenders with a mullet hair cut. He managed to position himself as possibly the most uncool man on the face of the Earth then had the bare faced cheek to preside over “The Cool Wall” which involved the use of the butt clenchingly uncool phrase “Sub-zero”.
Christ almighty! He makes Ian Hislop seem like the Fonz!
Although, much like Ann Widdecombe, I have a grudging respect for Clarkson’s style of speaking his mind, unlike Widdecombe however, I don’t agree with a single word he says.
Much of his most controversial comments I suspect are deliberately antagonistic and I’d even go as far to say that in private he might be quite a reasonable bloke.
But I’m sure that I wasn’t alone when I heard that a presenter of Top Gear had had an high-speed accident when I thought “Please let it be Clarksonâ€. Not that I wish him to die or even to be seriously injured but there would be a sweet irony considering the content of his show.
But as we all now know it wasn’t Clarkson, it was Hammond.
Hammond seems like a perfectly affable if not lowest common denominator presenter. And despite jokes made at his expense about being left brain damaged after his high-speed crash, he still has the sense to cash in on the affection the public seem to have for him.
His latest venture is a DVD game that lets you have all the fun of watching Top Gear in a wankertaining DVD format.
A down beat Richard (as if he’s just realised how cheap and dirty his career has become) tells us that:
“You don’t have to be a petrol head to play.”
No Richard, maybe you don’t. But you do have to be a wanker.
And did I mention, I hate Top Gear?
(4.7)
14Responses:
mikeempuria
December 21st, 2007 7:43 am
I like Top Gear and I like Jeremy Clarkson and I like Richard Hammond so if that makes me a wanker then pass me the baby oil.
The thing about the advert that I have a problem with is the blowing up of caravans. I wanted to shout “Richard, that’s Braniac; you don’t do that any more!” Top Gear drives things through caravans (which should be a legal obligation) but I suppose they want to appeal to the Sky TV audience. As well as us wankers.
Keith
December 21st, 2007 2:28 pm
Anything tht’s said about Vernon Kaye that’s bad, I will agree with. What a big, gobby, talentless TOSSER. As for the ad, it’s just plain cheesy.
izgrant
December 24th, 2007 11:37 am
I have to say, the obvious scripting that goes on in top gear is cringe worthy. I do love the way that every adventure they go on is more exciting and nail biting than watching a Seagal film..let me explain…Clarkson drove a Bugatti (not that he needed to as I cant really see him doing 200mph + on public roads) and Hammond + Richard flew a plane…they made the story out to be a really close race and all the gags were hoplessly acted out…But I suppose if they had filmed it as per normal it wouldnt make good television..
I will give top gear its due..it’s the kinda of programme the whole family can sit down,watch and enjoy but my hatred stems from them all having a better job than me..bunch of c***s, whats even more annoying is that some pikey could do their job.
Dan
December 29th, 2007 9:08 pm
Top Gear is the only thing on TV worth watching.I would even watch all the repeats on DAVE just because there is nothing on that entertains quite like Top Gear.The AD for the DVD games is cheesy but there is more than 20 perfume or aftershave ads that are 10 times worse and go on 4 times longer than the Top Gear one.
I am also a wanker,like I didnt already know.
Capucine
January 3rd, 2008 12:42 pm
Goodness me, I appear to have landed in an alternative universe of Blogland where people actually like, and rave about, Top Gear.
What on earth is the matter with you people? TWA is absolutely spot-on. A programme by tossers, for people with nothing better to do than watch childish pranks. God, how you must miss Game for a Laugh.
Yes, that means you dear father and all uncles in my sorry petrol-obsessed family. And as for a spin-off DVD game, I’d rather lick p*ss off a nettle.
Adam
January 15th, 2008 2:16 pm
I also agree top gear is pretty crap, and very rehearsed and staged. Like when they aledgedly set alight to a 50k car wash, how ridiculous, and when they were in the usa and clarkson came back with a huge moose on the top of his car, its pathetic how people can sit like zombies and take this all for face value its pure crap, by wankers for wankers!
Dan
January 15th, 2008 7:00 pm
I love the people on here.They remind me of a man I work with who does nothing more than MOAN about everything on Tv and just about everything off Tv.Some of you lot just sit and wait for something to moan about.I bet your wife’s love you dont they you moaning tossers.
Silky
January 15th, 2008 8:50 pm
Hang on a minute, Dan. Are you moaning about people moaning?
I bet your wife loves you… etc
Dan
January 16th, 2008 7:52 pm
I guess I am sorry.Just needed to make a point.
RumpleThumps
March 6th, 2008 7:05 pm
A bit off topic really, but can someone submit an ad thats got Vernon Kaye in? Just so I can slag it off. Because, unfortunately, he’s a lanky,talentless prick of the highest order, and I bet if you asked 100 people that…etc…etc….
d70f6v
March 14th, 2008 6:51 pm
God, the most worrying thing about this thread is that it took me a while to find a website with anyhting bad to say about Top Gear!
What a massive bunch of toss Top Gear now is. It’s as potent wankertainment as it comes. Take a look around the audience behind the presenters for Gods sake. Meanwhile Jeremy “professional non-PC Gobshite” gets a whacking great salary of MY PISSING LICENSE FEE to shout whatever ignorant bollocks he likes - usually “the environments a big fat puff for overheating and all that and anyone who gives a shite is a tragic mentalist”.
As for May and Hammond, I’d like to say I’d like to see these two odeus little sychophants do without their Lord and master in their own shows. But of course I wouldn’t.
RIP Top Gear, once a dull but reasonably informative look at what new motor to buy. And the occasional bit of rallying that no-one really cared about. Now a wank rag for those of sub-human intellegence, the lead-footed hairy-knuckled fuckwits that make every journey on the UKs roads a misery. Rest assured the next time some c**t races up behind you to within an inch of your bumper and flashes you in the outside lane of the when you’re already doing 85 he’ll be late for the latest episode of this glorious reflection on our wonderful society today.
Bob
July 8th, 2008 2:32 pm
You bunch of arseholes, get a life!
Silky
July 8th, 2008 3:00 pm
Bob, you’ve really mixed up you tenses there…
“You bunch of arseholes” - plural. “Get a life” - singular.
That really should read “You bunch of arseholes, get lives!”
Oh, hang on, I think I’ve just made this worse…
Bobdog12
August 29th, 2008 11:21 pm
Yes - that stab of guilt at hearing ‘Top Gear Presenter in near fatal crash’ and realising in some reptile corner of my brain I’d hoped it might be Clarkson. I’d forgotten that. But you’re a bit unfair to poor ol Vernon. I’m rather fond of his new haircut and I doubt Family Fortunes would work without him. (if you’re under twenty five you might like to know that in the old days the families used to be played by real people!)
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