Silence! Silence at the back! Please will you all join me in prayer:

“Oh dear God. All powerful and swift to punish.

I know we have sinned but please save us from the terrible cruelty placed upon us by Stena Line.

They who think 50 year old marketing men can capture a new, young audience by making adverts about “Extreme Ironing“. They who use a concept, not only so last millennium, but so gut-wrenchingly, blood-pukingly, Bernard Manningly unfunny that I want to hunt down and “extreme iron” the testicles of the man who thought it up, for the entire duration of the Sunday Eastenders’ omnibus.

No sin is so bad to deserve this hell in which they have placed us. Amen.”

“P.S. Please deliver unto me a link to an online version of the advert so I can share this vision of hell with all of your children so they may truly appreciate Heaven. Amen again.”

I hope that wasn’t, like, “truly random”?