Sarah Jessica Parker – Covet
2 August 2007 by SilkyJulia Roberts. Oh sweet Julia. How I love thee. But you have to admit, she’s a woman who can turn from one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood to He-Man’s arch-nemesis in the blink of an eye. But at least she is some times inexplicably attractive.
Sarah Jessica Parker, on the other hand, isn’t. She is pure, unadulterated Skeletor. Whenever I see her face, it always reminds me of someone who’s had plastic surgery then sat too close to an electric fire whilst straining really hard for a shit. In fact, she may be living proof that if you pull a funny face and the wind changes, you stay that way forever.
But she prances around as if she is the most attractive female on Earth. Yes, Parker, you did alright in SATC but I think we all know that was more about the writing than your ability to gurn sizzling looks into the camera.
Still funny thing happened the other night when I first saw her in the advert for her new perfume, Covet. As she was kicking in the shop window in Paris, I was kicking in my TV’s screen. The only time I have ever – and how I pray to God that it will stay the only time – I have ever felt SJP and I have something in common.
Oh, that bit where she writhes and uses her *sexy* voice to try and seduce the gendarme. I could puke pure Covet, I really could.
Funny though, not only does she have a face like a drunken pit-pony, she can kick like a mule too. Now who said this girl doesn’t have talent?
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(25 votes, average: 4.44 out of 5)
21Responses:
Wodge
Said on the 3 August 2007
This one’s even worse than that last one she did. And the name’s rubbish as well.
Steve
Said on the 3 August 2007
Sarah Jessica Parker, aka Dee Snider from 70s glam rockers Twisted Sister, attempts to flog a bottle of ‘exclusive’ perfume. Like there isn’t enough overpriced scented water already on the market. Please place this advert and the contents of each and every bottle of Covet down the crapper, pronto.
Mike Empuria
Said on the 3 August 2007
I haven’t seen the ad but thanks for the Charlize Theron link
Mike Empuria
Said on the 3 August 2007
Shit! I’ve just remembered that my wife reads this blog!
Er…the Charlize Theron link is good because as a web designer I like looking at different styles…yeah, that’s it!
Phew.
Hi darling xxxx
Silky
Said on the 3 August 2007
Wodge, yeah the new one is worse in one way because she turns her hand at acting in this new one. But there are far too many shots of her prancing round in the old one.
Mike, glad you like the link. If you haven’t already seen, I heartily recommend The Life and Death of Peter Sellers for a fine performance by Charlize.
Bauster
Said on the 10 August 2007
Awkward goony kicks followed by shaky old lady hands. The French talk is completely unsexy and the crazy look at the end is priceless. My how I despise this woman. On what planet is she attractive?
Sean
Said on the 17 August 2007
I don’t know which planet but I’m willing to fund a mission to send her to Jupiter to see if it’ll improve things.
I’m not sure why she’s going to so much effort to kick the window in. I’m pretty sure that high-class fragrances aren’t quite sold in litre containers, like the one she was trying to nab.
Great kicking. Would have been better though if she was barking like a drugged ape and flailing her arms at the same time. Soiling herself would have been an added bonus.
Casual observer
Said on the 2 September 2007
I’m sure Sarah Jessica Parker is mortified by your comments. In fact, I can visualise her sobbing all the way to the bank whilst banking the takings from the perfume your wife/girlfriend secretly bought out of your joint bank account. And doing so in her `£500 a pair’ red soled shoes (you probably missed that). Of course, the fact that someone could be perceived as beautiful by others, even if it is not to your taste has obviously passed you by. She is married to Mathew Broderick you know? Now if any of you can hold a candle to him in the looks department, then you may well be qualified to hold an opinion. Otherwise, shut up ugly.
Steve
Said on the 2 September 2007
Oooh, ‘Casual observer’ has given us all both barrels and no mistake. Is he/she a relation of Sarah Jessica Parker? Summat’s up when he/she launches into such an impassioned defence of the former Sex and the City (such a tacky little show in my ‘umble opinion) stalwart.
I would like to think Parker and other celebrities are mortified by critical comments, but I rather doubt it, as celebs tend to take great pains to shield themselves from the real world the rest of us are happy to live in.
What Matthew Broderick’s looks have to do with Parker’s commercial activities is far from clear, but the point is his wife is an overpaid actress trying to flog overpriced perfume in a market already chock full of the stuff.
Sean
Said on the 3 September 2007
I’m not married to Mathew Broderick, does that mean I’m not beautiful? My mum says I’m very handsome.
Silky
Said on the 3 September 2007
Hang on, check your facts Casual Observer, I think you’ll find that I’m married to Matthew Broderick.
Oh no, you’re right it is SJP.
She is much better than me after all.
c
Said on the 24 September 2007
SJP is beautiful and amazing and I think you’re just jealous because you can’t have her. She has more talent. Although she only acted as a writer on SATC, I bet she can write a better column than you did on this website.
Silky
Said on the 24 September 2007
Yes C, that’s all true. And I hear that her Dad is stronger than my Dad too.
Joanna Butler
Said on the 26 September 2007
Sometimes i think she looks great then other times i think she looks awful- think it depends on her hair as well sometimes, I love Sex and the City, i can also see why some people may think she is ugly, but sometimes she can look very nice
CathK
Said on the 2 December 2007
she’s not THAT bad!! – she’s nearly 43 years old FFS?? – there’s PLENTY uglier than her – but yes she is too bony and ballerina-esque with her physique – bit like Madonna – far too lean which dosen’t look natual or feminine to me – especially the arms and hands.
emr
Said on the 8 January 2008
You guys are all missing the point… The entire advert is just a metaphor for drug addiction…First comes the craving “I have to have it!!!”…..forced into theft and breaking windows to feed the habit….captured by police…eyes hollow and sanity destroyed by the drugs, she ends her days in a lonely cell.
Dave
Said on the 14 February 2008
I think she’s really clever, not only an actress but also a chemist and perfumier wow! Not only her but other celebs have their own fragrances, someone in Hollywood must have been handing out chemistry sets for Christmas presents.
Ricky F
Said on the 26 February 2008
SJP is a hound, her face lokos like a police photofit of Rod Hull and as for her ‘talent’ I’d hardly call a show about 4 middle ages sex-obsessed sluts work of a genius. She probably just thought…
“I wonder what the Golden Girls would have been like if it was set 20 years earlier in New York.”
But I digress, she is an ugly bastard.
Crimewave
Said on the 8 June 2008
http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/entertainment/sarah-jessica-parker-tops-unsexiest-woman-of-the-year-list-2_1002481.html
Kinda says it all.
inssey
Said on the 11 August 2008
“She looks like a foot!”
Tarquin Fintimblimwimlim Biscuit-Barrel
Said on the 6 July 2009
As Jeremy Clarkson said, she ‘has a face like a boiled horse’.
She’s not been arrested for kicking in the shop window, but for being in possession of an offensive face.
Got Something to Add?