Oh people! Aren’t they idiots? More stupid than your average door handle. Less memory power than the piece of chewing gum I trod in today. They couldn’t remember their own name even if it was “x” and it was tattooed on the insides of their eye-lids.

But surely they can remember the ingredients of a chocolate bar that has been made for over 70 years, cant they? The makers of the new Mars Planets advert are hoping they can’t.

Because you see the great thing about Mars Planets is that you can mix them up to enjoy the great Mars taste your own way.

There’s chewy caramel. Heaven.
Who doesn’t like the soft nougat? Bring it on.
Oh and the crispy wafer. Woo mama!

What? No, hang on, there’s no crispy wafer in Mars Bars. No, no, you’re thinking of Kit-Kats. Or that Kinder Bueno. Or them there Maltesers.

Just how pig-ignorant do the advertisers really think we am?

Note to advertisers: If you didn’t think you could get away with selling us Mars Bars in a slightly different way without adding something to it, don’t just do it anyway and hope no-one notices. Let alone try and trick us in to thinking it’s always been that way.

It’s like you coming round to our houses for Sunday Lunch and having sex with our Nans on the table before we’ve even finished our prawn cocktail starters. Then denying you ever did it.

We saw you do it! It’s plain offensive! She’s 70 years old!

So listen advertisers: We’re not that stupid!

Although, you know what’s worse than “Mars Planets”? It’s those new “Bounty Islands”. Yeah, with the great taste of milk chocolate, dessicated coconuts and veal. Delicious!

Judge for yourself.