Kleenex – Let it Out
24 January 2008 by SilkyHere’s a tale for you:
I was walking through town on my lunch break the other day and a bloke, stood next to a big blue sofa and a coffee table, shouted “Excuse me mate, have you got a minute for a chat?”.
Well, I did, so I popped over and sat down.
“What do you want to chat about?” I asked the strange man.
“Oh, anything that will bring a tear to your eye for this new, very cheaply made, Kleenex advert. Why not tell me about your first love?” The strange man suggested.
“Oh! Fun-time Sally! I loved her. God, how I loved her. The playful glint in her eyes, the tenderness of her touch and her absolutely, staggeringly, massive breasts. But she broke my heart, you know?” I could already feel a tear gently forming in the corner of my eye.
The strange man sensed this and desperately probed me for more: “That’s terrible; what happened?”
“She left me for another man. Yeah, it’s true. He was a travelling peg salesman. And he made lucky heather on the side as well, you know, to cover for when the pegs weren’t selling so hot. I begged her not to go but she said he had better prospects than some dried-up writer of a second-rate blog. Who could blame her, he was quite a man. Oh, but it damaged me: I didn’t sleep so well, I started drinking heavily and I could hear her name drifting on the breeze wherever I went. ‘Fun-time Sally!’, ‘Fun-time Sally!’. Why do you mock me?! Why?!” I’ve clenched my fist and I’m shaking it despairingly at the heavens and, of course, I’m in floods of tears by now.
“And I see French people. Walking around like regular people. They don’t see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don’t know they’re French.” I’d jumped to my feet. My eyes were wide open as they could be. I felt a freedom I hadn’t felt in ages.
“Right. So. This is turning slightly weird.” the strange man sounded ever so slightly worried. He was desperately looking across the street. He pressed his finger to his ear and muttered “Get the producer over here. Now!”
I leered over him. “Have I told you about you about the spiders in my veins?” I asked.
“No. I think you should go.” the strange man handed me a tissue at arms length “Go.” He sternly repeated.
“Alright! Some people just don’t want to listen!”. I shouted through the tears as I walked away.
But that’s what you get if you stop strangers on the streets of London and ask them for a chat. Unless you’ve filtered out all the homeless/psychos/students first, of course:
So maybe it should be:
“Are people ready to let it out?
Turns out all it takes is a good listener and some very sanitised people with questionable mental health.
Oh, and some Kleenex. Apparently.”
Thanks to Jonathan Hansen and Nick Smith, who took the trouble to submit this bad ad, on the very same day. What are the chances.
NB: French People Joke © 2000 My Mate Simon’s Sister Liz
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(20 votes, average: 4.35 out of 5)
12Responses:
Wolfy
Said on the 24 January 2008
You read my mind with this one.
Heard the radio spot today for the first time, too. Truly awful.
Keith
Said on the 25 January 2008
Yes, another idiotic ad to rot the brain.
Simon's Sister Liz
Said on the 28 January 2008
I always watch this advert and think ‘What’s this for? What’s that man off the Bill doing with a big blue sofa in the middle of the street and how come I’m never lucky enough to run into someone who happens to have said big blue sofa when my feet are raw and blistered from too much shopping?’
By then it’s usually over and I have missed what it is actually trying to make me buy.
Which is a good thing.
PS: Thanks for the Kudos on the joke.
Silky
Said on the 28 January 2008
No problems, Liz.
Now start thinking of some more jokes. It’s been 8 years, damn it!
jax
Said on the 8 February 2008
is it really that bad?
Most people want to talk – if they are a given a chance and can find someone that will actually listen….
I don’t think he’s a strange bloke, at all.
Looks like a lovely man, he’d gance in the street with you if it made you happy!!
And have a Kleenex ready if you needed one, quite the gentleman…..
Dann
Said on the 11 February 2008
I would pop my keks down, shite on his table, and ask for Kleenex to wipe my bum.
I’ll let something you, you cotton toucher.
Christine
Said on the 15 February 2008
When I first saw this advert I though finally an honest advert – let it out meaning blow your nose!!! This is what tissues are for? (Unlike Dann, I use loo roll for wiping my arse and reserve tissues for my nose) . Is there a deeper meaning to this advert which I missed??
Matt
Said on the 16 February 2008
Not too sure about the ad but i like the music track!
Ricky F
Said on the 27 February 2008
My guess is that guy is actually from the DSS catching Benifit frauds or the TV licence depo, being the typical sly bastards they are abd THATS why you see people end up crying.
Ricky F
Said on the 27 February 2008
And*
Jonny Chestwig
Said on the 27 February 2008
Wow, this isn’t at all like the Midlands bank advert from “back in the day” where loads of scummy students sat on a blue sofa chatting total codshit. How bleeding-edge.
shugshooter
Said on the 27 February 2008
I thought it would be painfully clear…
On failing to push through a compulsory DNA database, MI6 have employed the services of kleenex and spun up this rather simple idea to collect samples from the general public.
On the basis that Kleenex will turn this into thier gimick. ( tangoman,andrex puppy etc) These couches will start turning up all over the country collecting lots of lovely DNA!!
PS. Sorry for the totalitarian viewpoint, but it’s a lot more exciting than the stuff they DO tell us.
PPS. Keep watchin’ the skys.
PPPS. Shugshooter’s not my real name!
So don’t try and find me!!