This is the first entry in a new and hopefully long running category on TV’s Worst Adverts – Parental Guidance.

It’s devoted to the brilliant small print shown along with movie trailers to let movie goers know exactly what they’re in for. Except it never does let movie goers konw what their in for because they’re always so vague.

You know the sort:

“This film contains scenes of mild peril.”

What? Or worse

“This film contains one usage of the French language.”

Why?

Now I’ve made these insights to a film’s content seem slightly ridiculous but they are sometimes genuinely useful and on the odd occasion I’ve even wished that I paid more attention.

For example, had I noticed the tiny little letters, flashed on the screen for a split second, spelling out the following phrase:

“This film contains no plot and one gratuitous use of Mike Tyson”

I probably wouldn’t have gone to see Crocodile Dundee 3. There’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back.

Anyway, here’s the UK trailer for the film Iron Man:

Those with sharp eyesight may have noticed the excellent guidance warning potential viewers:

“Contains moderate violence and one use of moderate language”

Now, I must confess I’ve not actually seen the film so I’m a little bit confused what they mean by that. So I can’t say for sure but I imagine the “moderate violence” use of “moderate language” to be something like this:

Man 1: “I say nuked the damned French!”
Man 2: “I think we should maybe try diplomatic channels first.”
Man 1: “Fucking moderate fag!”
Man 2 Punches Man 1.
Man 2: “Sorry for punching you Man 1, I’m normally less violent and more moderate than that.”

You know, having watched a Hollywood blockbuster before, I understandably imagined that’s what happened until I checked in with the always excellent ParentPreviews.com.

By all accounts the film actually contains scenes in which (Note from Silky: You might want to stop reading now if you’re of a delicate constitution):

“One man is killed by a ricocheting bullet, another catches fire and a third is repeatedly shot in the chest.”

what’s more:

“The script includes infrequent use of profanities and vulgarities.”

I know – shocking! Why didn’t they just say that in the first place?

Anyways, if you spot any excellent please e-mail them in to me at the address on the bottom of the About TV’s Worst Adverts page.

Just How Bad is this Ad?

(8 votes, average: 1.50 out of 5)