There are many things that I did as a child that I don’t do now.

I don’t wet the bed.

I don’t suck my thumb.

I don’t talk to imaginary friends.

Although I can’t vouch for the first 2 childish habits, the woman in the HSA advert below seems not to have grown out of talking to imaginary friends:

Don’t be too quick to judge her though.

Because, as we all know, women are all feeble minded, delicate flowers, who are unable to comprehend - let alone cope with - the complexities of family economics and the hard realities that may result. So it’s perfectly understandable that she’s started taking financial advice from the sleeve on her jumper.

You see sometimes when a woman is struggling to balance the fact that her family has a fancy new car with built in DVD player (God forbid they have to actually talk to the kids on a journey!) and that her kids have iPods (iPods, I tell you!) with the fact that she needs to spend 100 quid on a new pair of glasses her brain turns from jelly (it’s resting state) to jam (and may even begin to trickle from her ear).

These are the times when a woman needs the reassurance, guidance and support of her imaginary friend/sleeve of her jumper.

I can’t help but feel the imaginary friend/sleeve of her jumper should really be saying “You should have gone to Specsavers” and “NHS dentists are really very reasonably priced” (although I grant you it’s easier to get on the Sex Offenders Register than it is the books of an NHS dentist) and “Just get some Ibuleve and make him kip on the floor” rather than “Take out private health insurance”.

But that is often the trouble with listening to items of knitwear when it comes to fiscal matters - always the expensive option. That’s what happened to me when I asked my bobble hat what I should have to drink with my Happy Meal last weekend. It’s just lucky that McDonald’s don’t sell Cristal, is all I’m saying.

Anyway, what I mean to say is “Women - stop listening to your jumpers”.