Life is full of people telling you what to do, what to eat, what adverts on tele to hate etc. But there’s surely no other area of your life where more people are telling you what to do, then the world of fashion.

Oh, just that word makes me want to puke blood. Fashion, eurgh!

The basic tenets of the fashion industry go pretty much against everything I believe in, so any advert for clothes has a hard time getting through to me. Here’s my stance: Being told what to wear by a small group of very, very rich business men is the biggest pile of festering shit this sick World has thought up.

Actually there is something worse. Its the message being passed onto me by corporate shill, Madonna.

Madonna and Me…

Now Madonna used up her allowance of public good will, ooh, 15 years ago now, but she still rams herself down our throats on a regular basis. If it’s not her bad singing, it’s her bad acting. If it’s not her bad acting it’s her bad writing. That’s because (and how I love this phrase) she’s great at re-inventing herself. Bollocks! Madonna’s only talent seems to be jumping on whatever bandwagon that happens to be riding past at that moment. She hasn’t set a trend since 1983, and that trend was the importance of style over substance.

She’s now signed up with H&M, allowing her to turn her completely untalented hand to the field of clothes designing. And guess what? Not only is she not the first celebrity designer for H&M (at least Stella McCartney *is* a fashion designer) the advert for her clothes is also an Ugly Betty-bandwagon-jumping rip-off.

Plot summary

Ugly Betty-a-like walks into bleak featureless setting. All the stuck-up super-model co-workers look down noses. Bizarre sycophant fashion Kato violently dresses Ugly Betty-a-like in catsuit. Madonna, in dominatrix (H&M not S&M! H&M!!) lesbian boss mode, likes it when Ugly Betty-a-like dresses identically to her and they walk out arm-in-arm, probably to a fashionistas-love-fest, leaving the bizarre sycophant fashion Kato behind.

In Summary

To be honest, I don’t know what the advert is really about. Halfway through I was so angry, my eyeballs popped clean out or their sockets. But I’m fairly certain it’s something to do with us all having to wear cat-suits. Which we must buy now from H&M or Madonna will come and spanky our bottoms/read to us from one of her childrens’ books.

Judge for yourself: