Gillette – Phenom – Henry, Woods & Federer
17 March 2009 by SilkyWell, well, well – look who’s back.
Yes, 2 of the world’s top sportsmen and Thierry Henry are back on our screens in a new Gillette advert – this time for something called Gillette Fusion Power Phenom.
Their return might come as something of a surprise as the previous advert – Gillette Champions – was voted as the worst of 2008 by Campaign. An advert whose shitness was largely due to its 3 stars having absolutely zero on screen chemistry or charisma. In fact, their acting was so terribly that Drench managed to get more personality out of an actual puppet than Henry, Woods and Federer could manage in the Gillette ad.
So surely only a fool would bring them back – you know, only a fool or someone who’s seen the sales figures. One of the two.
Reassuringly though is that the new advert isn’t any better than the previous one. Based around the toe-curlingly made-up word “Phenom”. This, according to the advert, is short for “phenomenal” but only a pathetic wannabe hipster or middle-management wank stain would ever dare utter it in public.
“Have you heard the new Boris Brejcha EP? It’s phenom.”
“How does the new Audi RS4 handle? Oh, totally phenom!”
To make matters worse, the new advert’s set to what sounds like a late 90′s “corporate song”. The kind of uptempo, supposedly motivational yet ultimately meaningless tripe that the HR department loves but everyone else in the company hates. It’s a tune that’s designed to “empower you as an individual” but in reality just makes you desperately want to cut your own ears off then crawl inside your own anus just so you don’t have to hear it ever again. Ever.
The icing on the cake is some more spectacularly terrible CGI work in which each of the stars play their sport with a ball that is actually the Earth (How about “Use Gillette and you’ll have the world at your feet”?). This CGI enables Tiger Woods to play golf with one hand in his pocket. Roger Federer to balance the ball/globe on his racket before hitting through his legs and Thierry Henry to do some ball skills that culminate in a spin so preposterously fake that even the makers of House of Flying Daggers would think it’s “a bit over the top”.
Sadly for Gillette, even with all this CGI trickery at their fingertips, they still couldn’t make the 3 men to look even the slightest bit comfortable in each others company.
So just how bad is this new Gillette advert? Christ, it’s phenom.
What does that mean?
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(26 votes, average: 4.31 out of 5)
14Responses:
Simon Breadbin
Said on the 18 March 2009
Gillette have always used wanky adverts….*powergrab* THE BEEEEEST A MAAAAAN CAN GEEEEEET etc.
Airbrushed, fake tanned, dead-eyed, metrosexual spastics all gurning into the middle distance and shaving from ear to chin in one fluid movement. Who actually smiles whilst shaving? I certainly don’t and I use one of the ten quid, man-vibrators in question.
In the real world they should show a video of somebody staring intently at an overnight bag for a few seconds before emptying his socks and stolen mini-soaps all over the floor of the hotel lobby in a desperate bid to prove to as many people as possible that it’s just his razor, ha ha, and not some AA powered wanking device he bought during an ill-advised ebay session when he was drunk but thought it might be a good way to maximise the ten, self-loathing filled minutes of free, rubbish porn you can sometimes get in hotel rooms in the midlands.
Where am I going with this?
No, YOU fuck off.
Ferret Face
Said on the 19 March 2009
I used to be slave to the Gillette corp.. I am so glad to have a girlfriend now who prefers stubble, I now trim every 3 or 4 days with a £8 trimmer from Boots. Fuck off Gillette, I no longer need your bullshit gel, your bullshit foam and your bullshit razors. I am so fucking glad to be glad to rid of all of it. I seriously urge everybody reading this to do the same. If you think using Gillette means you are on par with Tiger Woods or Thierry Henry then think again, you are a working class oik with fuck all in common. Just toss your fucking razor away and be a scruffy yet cool consumer off the beaten path of the Gillette bullshit philosophy (if you shave close, you will succeed).. I for one will never go back, Bollocks to you Gillette and Bollocks to all involved.
Sean
Said on the 19 March 2009
I gave up using Gillette products quite a few years back, mainly due to their crap patronising adverts. Originally the message was “Shave with Gillette, and women will touch your face”. Now it’s expanded to “Shave with Gillette, and women will touch your face when you’re not playing space sports with gimps”
Bring back the B&Q adverts. The staff in those had a bit more screen presence, and they weren’t trying to sell a poxy razor as being the equivalent of growing a third-ball.
James I
Said on the 19 March 2009
I’ve always been under the impression that the reason that the three seemed to behave so distantly towards each other was because of an actual distance between them – ie, they weren’t shooting the ad at the same time, and were green screened together in post-production. The reason I thought this was because it would be a logistical nightmare to get the three of them in the one place at the same time, given that their schedules would overlap so considerably.
vryannoyed
Said on the 20 March 2009
I think these adverts would be so much better if you see a woman sneak into the bathroom, drop her grundies, and then shave her bikini line, like most women do when they can’t be arsed to replace their own razor.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 20 March 2009
The best a man can get eh? Forgive me if I don’t give up my strap and razor and brush combo… Shaving is either a chore or an art form, and this makes it as interesting as a collection of post boxes throughout the ages…
Simon Breadbin
Said on the 21 March 2009
Bleh. Shaving is an art form when you’ve got the day off, and can spend fifteen minutes twatting about with oil and brushes etc. because all you have planned is an excellent day of man-leisure.
For normal mornings however, when you’re down to scoring yourself a few extra Z’s by only ironing the front of your shirt and leaving your jacket on all day, a quick scrape in the shower with an admittedly overpriced, jumped-up disposable *does* give more than adequate results.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 21 March 2009
I always have a day of man leisure planned… But enough about how I make a living….
Flying Hotspur
Said on the 25 March 2009
Advertising Gillete products signals the end of your career as a top, top, sportsman, since RFed, Terry Henry and, Elmore Woods signed up for this corporate shitehouse they’ve all been playing like total bellends (or permainjured) and won fuck all between them, life can be pretty sweet at times……
Vinnysimmo
Said on the 25 March 2009
I thourght of something while watching this. The size of the globe never changes, they just pass it to eachover. So how much bigger is Tiger Woods than Terry Henry?
Chris Jones
Said on the 1 April 2009
Gilette personify the evil cult of modern advertising. Aimed at teenagers who will do ANYTHING for a shag, they persuade you that spending £2 each on razorblades will make you the most irresistable hunk on the planet. They throw in expensive special effects, celebrities and style their blades to look like the spare parts of a spaceship.
In fact, your two quid is actually being spent on all of the above. Four blades do not shave you better than two, shaving technology hasn’t moved on for 20 years (other than the ability to cram more bits of low quality, quickly-dulling metal onto a piece of plastic) and MAKING THE HANDLE VIBRATE DOESN’T MAKE THE SLIGHTEST DIFFERENCE!
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 1 April 2009
Erm… Chris, I’m in my thirties and I still chase as much tail as I can get away with, still don’t use plastic crap tho….
Another Ad Hater
Said on the 28 September 2009
What the fuck is a Gillette Fusion Power Gamer? The latest advert sees Federer & Woods jumping out TV screens and fighting over some razor. After all the fighting, Thierry Henry walks in and takes the razor off the others.
Why the fuck is it called Gamer? It’s just the same 5 blade shit razor again but with a different name! What the fuck does it have to do with gaming?!
rik o shea
Said on the 26 October 2009
everybody grow a beard and put these arsewipes out of business,ive got better things to do every morning than indulge in this tedious fucking ritual.
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