Esure – Bleeping Coutesy Car
2 November 2007 by SilkyI hate my car insurance company.
They charge me through the nose for something I have not choice but to buy. Bastards.
Plus, when I come to renew my policy, despite having made no claims, they offer me a price that is higher than if I were to take out a new policy with them over the Web. Shits.
Then they can never understand a word I say when I ring them up. “What’s my policy number? It’s B-986…. no, no, B for Bravo. For BRAVO. Dash, no, no, DASH!”. Idiots.
And they give me free break down cover too. Except when I broke down, guess what, the free cover didn’t cover my break down. So I had to pay for it, through the nose again. Shits.
But as much as I hate my insurers I have never launched into a 4-letter-word tirade of such ferocity as the women in the new Esure advert. Blimey, she really let’s rip, doesn’t she?
What amazes me though is that her expression doesn’t change at all. Whenever I do have moments or rage-overload my whole face turns bright red, my arms fling out in all directions, and I dance around like a monkey in the final stages of syphilis madness. But she remains as calm as a Hindu cow.
Of course, this could be explained by the fact she’s just seen Michael Winner looking like he’s talking from beyond the grave. I suppose that would account for her swearing fit too. “Previously when I was with… Jesus & Mary-Mother of God! I’ve just seen a mother-fucking ghost…” etc.
Now, if ever there were an opportunity for Michael to get in a sly “Calm down, Dear!” that foul-mouthed onslaught was it. But I don’t think he could be bothered. Winner certainly doesn’t look like he’s got much time left in the World if, in fact, he isn’t already actually dead. What’s for certain is he’s essentially turned into the Mr Burns of TV adverts; with his frail body and gaunt expression it’s all he can do to lift his arm to give a thumbs-up.
“I’m meeting real Esure customers. Exxcellleeent.”
Regardless of whether he has a contract to fulfil, I can’t believe that he is doing the Esure brand any good continuing to appear in these adverts.
So come on Michael, do the decent thing; spend your last few minutes of life enjoying yourself and not scaring the bejesus out of middle-aged women.
Update
I have an admission to make, just as the shock of seeing Michael Winner sent that women in to a swear-a-thon it must have made me temporarily deaf. One a second viewing I managed to hear him say “Calm down, Dear!”.
Apologies for any distress my temporary deafness caused you or your families.
7Responses:
Entity
Said on the 4 November 2007
I’m sure she just mentioned another car insurance company. Judging by my corners-of-the-mouth lip-reading skills, the offending insurance company has 4 syllables.
Silky
Said on the 4 November 2007
Thanks Entity. I agree she is undoubtedly saying the name of another insurance company, but where’s the fun in that?
Anyone else got any ideas what that other insurer’s name might be?
chris
Said on the 5 January 2008
she implies tho that company x turned down her claim so she went to esure and they paid it for her, sounds like they are coming over as a soft touch as they shouldnt pay anything from before they took a policy out
What the?
Said on the 5 January 2008
Real esure customers. Yeah maybe you’ll think that until you see the gun being pointed at their neck, or the fact that they walk off with a breifcase.
s j flynn
Said on the 27 August 2008
Dont waste your time with this company! First they rang and told me my claim would be going thru, they just needed one more receipt. Then when it came to paying they came up with all sorts of excuses as to why they wouldnt be paying. When I took out the insurance I paid to waive the excess, but on their copy I hadnt waived the excess. I have never made an insurance claim before and I will DEFINITELY NOT BE USING ESURE. THEY DONT PAY OUT
B Blackmore
Said on the 24 March 2009
My partner goes into complete and uncontrollable rage whenever Michael Winner appears in the E-Sure advert. We cannot understand how he can possibly enhance their business when just his face (let alone his voice) bursts uninvited into our living space. Even if their insurance was the cheapest and best available there is absolutely no way we would ever give them consideration simply because HIM.
Sass
Said on the 18 June 2009
I cannot STAND this weasley little nobody (actually, I wouldn’t insult a weasel) who winds me up like nobody can when he gives it the calm down business!
Look mate, you annoy the hell outta me. If anything, I’d ring up esure and say I’m NOT going to buy their insurance until that annoying weed is off the adverts!