Envirofone.com
31 May 2008 by SilkyYou know, I thought Alpen’s attempt to sex up muesli last year was a little desperate but that’s nothing compared to Envirofone’s attempt to sex up the world of mobile phone recycling.
Their advert is a little bit like a play on the old joke in which an attractive woman appears on an old man’s doorstep and tells him “I’m here to offer you super sex!”. To which the man replies “I’ll have the soup, please.”
Yes the Environfone advert poses the question: Which do men prefer, a scantily clad young woman or 32 quid?
Or as Chelsea Monks, who submitted this bad ad, asks:
What red blooded male would pass her up for a tenner??!!
Quite.
In fact, I was so unsure about which I prefer, I’ve had to watch this advert 50 or 60 times in a row now. And my view on this matter is still slightly blurred – along with my view of everything else after seeing her dirty pillows so many times.
Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that she is either a ghost – which would explain why he appears not to notice her – or that she charges at least £32 for whatever service she offers – and this is why he is so focused on his goal.
Yep, definitely one of those two options.
Cheers, Chelsea Monks.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(12 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)
184Responses:
Daniel
Said on the 31 May 2008
This does not make me want to recycle my phone.
chelsea.m
Said on the 31 May 2008
haha thank you for submitting my ad. I have to turn the tv over everytime i see this piece of rubbish!! x
Mike Empuria
Said on the 1 June 2008
The most gratuitous use of a mobile phone I’ve ever seen (and that girl isn’t on their website).
Dave
Said on the 1 June 2008
WHAT A POOF!
Jonny Chestwig
Said on the 1 June 2008
Best. Advert. Ever. What’s it for again?
Marsten
Said on the 1 June 2008
Just for a laugh, I went along to their website to try it with my old mobile.
They offered 20p for it.
Matt Beeching
Said on the 3 June 2008
This advert is surely not real! What channel/time are you likely to catch a broadcast?
Crimewave
Said on the 10 June 2008
Shame about her face, Yeah wouldn’t advertising standards have a heart attack if this came on?
dabs
Said on the 15 June 2008
just seen this advert on at 1 o clock on a sunday afternoon, they skillfully cut the woman out of the ad. didn’t quite seem the same somehow
Josh
Said on the 17 February 2009
why the hell is he laughing
Archer
Said on the 21 August 2009
Is the new Envirophone advert shit shit, or ironic shit? And does anyone else find it slightly arousing when that guy shouts ‘wonga’ at the screen?
Josh
Said on the 25 August 2009
The new one is about three times as shit as this one. and Archer, hell no i dont find it arousing when the guy shouts out WONGA!
Another Ad Hater
Said on the 25 August 2009
Fuck every single one of these annoying “send your crap phone to us and we’ll pay fuck all for it” ads. Why must they be on everytime? I can’t watch Virgin1 or Dave without seeing this shit.
Fuck off Mazuma Mobile! Fuck off Envirofone! Fuck off Mobile Phone Xchange!
Archer
Said on the 31 August 2009
To be fair, I said ‘slightly arousing’. Not totally orgasmic or anything. I just can’t help imagining that’s what he shouts when he climaxes.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 31 August 2009
Hmmm… maybe we should have a quick poll… Who shouts what when it’s “that time”?
Archer
Said on the 31 August 2009
For me, it usually depends on what the safe word is.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 31 August 2009
I usually go with “I’m sorry” I find it really fits between the ninety seconds of sex and the two and a half hours of crying and self recrimination….
Archer
Said on the 1 September 2009
Awww… that’s really sad. I can normally make men last much longer than that.
They cry for at least four hours.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 1 September 2009
You’ve been told about that… No means no, Archer, no means NO.
I know who you are now, you’re the woman my mummy warned me about…..
Archer
Said on the 1 September 2009
Yeah… that’s true… but who really pays any attention to their mum’s advice? (She says, lighting a cigarette and contemplating another day without a ‘real job’.)
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
lol, if my mum had listened to her mum I wouldn’t be here……
And is being my official spellchecker not a real enough job for you? I can think of several you seem suited to…..
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
I’m pretty sure you’re not thinking of anything I can put on my CV…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
Depends on who you are sending your C.V. to… I bet you’d be great at sacking people, you’d get to laugh at them while they are all crying and saying “How will I feed my children?”….
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Yes. That’s right. I’m actually Alan Sugar. This is what I do when I’m not running Amstrad.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
Cool, will you be re-releasing the C5?
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
I am way too young to get that reference.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
Oh, thanks, I’m now old. Just because I remember British engineering genius….
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Not old. Just older than me.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
Hmmmm…… Do you remember WHAM? Or did you prefer tying Grolsh caps to your trainers
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Ha ha ha… that is such an unfair question.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
I’ll go out on a limb here actually… I bet you liked…. THE CURE….
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Can I take the fifth?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
No, You’re under the British Judicial system which requires an answer…. Yay! The Man finally got something right!!
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been under the judicial system.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
Nice evasion…. I just hope you didn’t sing alone to Kylie and Jason… That’d be too much for me to bear….
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Erm…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
Oh, the inhumanity… but I know you have to remember the Sinclair C5 now….
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
You’re a twisted twisted man. That was not fair.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
I am sorry. I couldn’t help myself. What can it do to make it up to you?
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
I think we both know what you have to do.
You have to spend the rest of the week with Grolsch tops on your shoes.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
What makes you think I don’t already wear them?
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Sorry… I meant to add ‘and nothing else’.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
You just want to see pictures of my naked body on the news…..
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
It brings a whole new range of options if you get pulled over be the police, “Excuse me, sir could you blow into this?” “No, but I’m doing yoga so I can…”
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
The news… You’ve Been Framed… whatever…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 2 September 2009
Twenty four, in fact TWENTY FIVE POSTS that’s just on this thread! You are making me into a bad person…
Archer
Said on the 2 September 2009
Hey! Other way round! You’re bringing out the worst in me. I was going to be good tonight and only say things directly related to adverts.
Is it too late to say that I think the Envirofone advert sucks?
qwidge
Said on the 3 September 2009
No no Archer, carry on.
You two are fuelling my cyber-voyeurism
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
:-0
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
“Hey! Other way round!” said Mary to the Vicar….
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Are you a vicar in that little fantasy?? Am I Mary?
Milky
Said on the 3 September 2009
There once was a thread about Envirofone.com
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
As You Like It Archer…..
Yeah Milky, there was, but we killed it and now dance upon it’s broken corpse
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Milky… please please make a comment that actually relates to this advert! Save us from ourselves.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
But if you do qwidge will be angry, do not anger “THE QWIDGE”
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Oh trust me… I’ve got qwidge wrapped round my little finger. This isn’t the first time she’s indulged her voyeuristic side with me…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
I knew you were manipulative….
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
I’m offended now. I’m not playing with you anymore.
And I’m telling qwidge on you.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Please Archer, please play with me…..
qwidge
Said on the 3 September 2009
She can only come out to play as long as i can hoot like an owl!
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
So instead of Twitter we have Twitwhoo?
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
qwidge – you don’t need my permission to an owl. Apparently you can manage that without any input from me.
Jellyfish – I will play if you promise not to be mean to me again.
qwidge
Said on the 3 September 2009
Oh Archie, you came and you gave without taking.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
I promise not to hurt you again.
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Hmmmm… let’s not rule anything out…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Do you have your ruler there Miss?
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Oh. Do you have something you want me to measure? *flutters eyelashes innocently*
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
BTW You owe me one laptop I just spilled my hot chocolate over mine…
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Well, don’t ever say I don’t give you a warm damp feeling in your lap.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Hmmm… now that is something to think about…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
And one keyboard for drooling on….
You’re really wearing my hardware out….
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
lol… I’m trying my best.
Do you think we should be good now, in case anyone wants to talk about adverts?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
If you are good you’ll never have any fun….
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Damn! I really shouldn’t have laughed at you and your hot chocolate. I’ve just spilled water all over my work. Now you owe me.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Hmmm.. What are you working on?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Will your evil plan for world domination be foiled by a simple cup of water?
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Now that I’m definitely not going to say!
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Ah, you like to stick to the shadows… Have you decided on a list of evil henchmen yet?
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
lol… now, if I tell you that, I will have to kill you. I’m just hoping I can dry out the designs for my sexy henchmen uniforms.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
I look good in leather chaps………
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Is that a compliment you often hear? Or is that just your own opinion?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Could show you pictures……. but then I’d have to kill you….
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Don’t worry. I’ve got a good imagination.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Yipes….
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
I wonder if time has moved on into some Orwellian period where you can be punished for your thoughts yet?…. Maybe imagining me in leather chaps is the punishment….
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
I reckon we have, but the punishments are really lame. Like spilling hot chocolate on your computer or water on your work. That was probably Big Brother giving us a verbal warning for thoughtcrime.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Verbal warning through physical actions? Wow! ArcherGoodThinker…
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Oh great… Orwellian sarcasm! Just what I needed to hear. I realized afterwards it’s not really a ‘verbal’ warning, thank you very much.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Bet you didn’t think I had it in me… Just goes to prove even if you are that thick you need an official spellchecker you can still go for the hamstring….
Archer
Said on the 3 September 2009
Yeah but you had to wait til I was so tired my defences were down…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 3 September 2009
Yep that’s my tactics all over, wear them down, let them get sleepy, take what you want….
Maybe I should have left that last bit off…
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Ok. I fell asleep last night. I don’t know if you took anything, but so long as it wasn’t my car keys I’m not that fussed.
Daniel Newton
Said on the 4 September 2009
I cant beleive this advert is still on!
Its so shit i don’t know where to start, for me the most annoying parts are “WONGAA” and “and it helps the environment”
first off “WONGAA” – who the fuck talks like that?, why dont you put the £1.99 they gave you for your “old phone” towards the gym so you can get the fuck off my telly.
then we have “and it helps the environment” – which for me really sums up this advert as FAKE as a teenager my self (age 18) i can safely say that no teenager on EARTH would use this service becouse of that part at the end; it really pisses me off when they try to attract teenagers like me when they clearly have no fucking clue what we are interested in!
GET THIS OFF MY TELLY NOW !!!!
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
There were too many options, Archer… I had to go and have a good lie down…..
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
Cyber love is a great and fulfilling thing – but please; GET A ROOM!.
My poor in-box can’t cope any more. (not a euphemism)
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Sorry Mike. I don’t know what came over me.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
That’s because you were asleep…
OK, sorry Mike, I’ll be good…
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
And yet we’re still filling up his inbox. At least it’s with apologies this time.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
I know… Do you think he’ll mind being ignored about the room idea?
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
I guess we’ll find out when he hunts us down and kills us.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
How do you think he’ll kill us? I have taken to wearing flip flops incase he decides to use my own shoes against me…..
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
I think he’ll stab us with our own sharpened wits.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
Or in my case half-stabbed
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
What have I told you about trying to get me to stroke your ego?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
I could have asked you to come into a room to do that……
Also note the lack of apostrophes…
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
I know… you’re really pulling out the big guns now, aren’t you?
Grammar-wise, of course.
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
It’s so cute but don’t forget that both of you have rugby practice tomorrow.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
I haven’t, I got b& for unnecessary ball handling….
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Actually, I think he was just telling us to get to bed early.
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
I don’t know why I even went down that road *slaphead*
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
Do you think we embarrass and harass him?
What lurks in your dark mind Mike?
Besides you both have to be kind to me….
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
I won prizes here a long time ago for guessing how many comments TWA had ever received. I swear my answer was far less than this thread alone.
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
I thought you liked it when I was mean…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
What did you win? Do you think Silky will ever come back with a prize for me and Acher for most posts?
I like it when you punish me Archer, that’s different……
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
I’ll punish you if you bloody spell my name wrong again!
But I’m not sure we’ll win any prizes for our posts. When was the last time we actually referred to an advert? I’m sure I have done at some point, but I’m not sure I can remember when…
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
http://tvs-worst-adverts.co.uk/tv%E2%80%99s-worst-adverts-first-birthday-competition-2-results/
My moment of fame!
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
The nude signed photo of Silky was a bit of a surprise I must admit
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
‘Twas way back in August, dear….
I hope the photo wasn’t sticky, Mike…
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
So, why do I have to be kind to you then?
(She says, trying to ignore the image of the sticky photo…)
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
I’ve got toothache….
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Awww… that’s too many sweets the other night isn’t it?
Sorry… that wasn’t actually very kind was it? You can see I’m not good at this!
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
A 10 x 5 b&w. Beautiful portrait. Even had room for his signature across his private bits. “Si”
Another Ad Hater
Said on the 4 September 2009
OMFG! Everything in the latest comments comes from Envirofone!
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
Nevermind you tried to care…..
Are you sure he wasn’t writing in Spanish, Mike?
Mike Empuria
Said on the 4 September 2009
Out of principle I’m not adding any more to this thread. Apart from this post. Then that’s it.
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
I bet you add something more, Mike. It’s a very addictive thread.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
I’m more intrested is which principle he means……
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Does he think we’ll stop if he does? Silly boy.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
I can’t stop anymore… my brakes have been cut…
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Oh dear. I’m really hoping you mean metaphorically. Otherwise you’re in real trouble. Not least cos you’re typing while your driving.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Yes. Don’t forget you need both hands when you’re posting comments on here.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
What do you think I’d be doing typing one handed?
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Nursing your sore tooth with the other, of course. What else could I possibly have meant?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
See, you’d distracted me fro my sore tooth then…..
Now how are you going to distract me???
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Don’t worry about your sore tooth. I’ve just got my nurse’s outfit on now, so I’m ready to take care of you…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
Treat me gently….. I’m frightened
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
See… from any other woman that would have been sexy. I just come off looking like a dental nurse from Marathon Man.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
It was sexy…… I’m just mard….
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Poor Jellyfish. Well what can I do to cheer you up?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
Hmmm….
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
You’re the one with the good imagination…..
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Obviously my imagination is not working very well tonight. Or my internet. You’ll have to give me a clue.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
MSN?
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
And how are we going to do that?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
Add a thow away hotmail acc
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Ok.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
My throwaway…
Archer
Said on the 4 September 2009
Well… that didn’t work. Did mine?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 September 2009
chatzydotcom/200882802775
password Covert
you’ll need to amend the link to www.
qwidge
Said on the 5 September 2009
*draws a curtain over this whole affair and hopes that the world will fade away and Silky won’t chuck us all out when he gets back*
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
*blushes*
Milky
Said on the 5 September 2009
What do you think about the advert? Is it to your liking?
Archer
Said on the 5 September 2009
Sorry… which advert were we talking about again? *blushes more*
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
I can’t remember… I got distracted… so very, very distracted….
Archer
Said on the 5 September 2009
I seem to remember, a long time ago, there was something about mobile phones or something…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
Really? what an outmoded method of communication…..
Archer
Said on the 5 September 2009
I can think of better modes of communication…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
*beetroot* Really?
qwidge
Said on the 5 September 2009
Seriously Jellyfish…not so Covert are you
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
Where did that come from I wonder???
qwidge
Said on the 5 September 2009
ummmm, means and ways jellyman means and ways
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
My tentacles are burning
Archer
Said on the 5 September 2009
Oh get a room you two…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
:-0 :-O
qwidge
Said on the 5 September 2009
Tentacles?! sorry i misread that one
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 September 2009
*I’m now wild eyed and looking for escape* I’m sure you know how shy I am…
Archer
Said on the 6 September 2009
Hope you found somewhere nice to escape to.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 6 September 2009
I have my happy place……
Archer
Said on the 6 September 2009
*blushes*
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 18 September 2009
If anyone has a spare battery for my phone… I need it!! Who’d have thought you’d need TWO phone batteries????
Archer
Said on the 18 September 2009
I can well believe that. One battery is never enough.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 18 September 2009
Some people are just greedy… they want more than one of everything….
Tarquin Fintimblimwimlim Biscuit-Barrel
Said on the 8 February 2010
What about their new advert? Have you seen it?
Do you, like me, wish to hammer nails through the testes of that lardarse who smugly bellows, “Some dosh? Some wonga?”?
The fat twat.
Tarquin Fintimblimwimlim Biscuit-Barrel
Said on the 8 February 2010
And then there’s that dodgy Gary Glitter lookalike at the end too.
These ads really make me want to take out my eyes.
lucas
Said on the 4 March 2010
I work at envirofone and we all walm up in the morning by screaming wonga at eachother and high fiving! Only messing the adverts aint all bad concidering we was the 5th biggest growing business of 2009 now thats wonga!!
Daniel Newton
Said on the 4 March 2010
I hate your adverts, I especially hate the ending where the girl practically has an orgasm saying “Maybe even 100 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” so fake it makes me want to vomit………….
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 March 2010
I think I might have stumbled across their sister business, Enviro-card… just put your bank card in an envelope and send it to me and I’ll make sure it is disposed of safely…
R E Krishna
Said on the 5 March 2010
Great idea!!! Mine’s on its way to you, even as we speak.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 5 March 2010
The really fucking worrying thing is, if I did put an advert on tv for a business like that, I’d probably get a load of cards sent to me. Some people are too thick to be allowed to breathe…
Ad Hater 2.0
Said on the 10 March 2010
Oh dear, Envirofone have got two new ads and guess what, they are SHIT! First we have this dancing twat in a Kebab shop thrusting a phone in the cashier’s face and then it turns into money. The other ad features this girl trying to pay for £150 worth of clothes by handing the cashier the phone and then she tries to use it in the chip & pin machine. God, how stupid can these ads get.
And they still say you can get up to £150 for your old phone. FUCKING BULLSHIT!!
Also, Mazuma have another shit advert with Paul Daniels & Debbie McGee. Oh great, using fucking celebrities to advertise your service. “Say the magic words, mazuma, mazuma, mazuma.” No, I’d rather say FUCK OFF! I hate that fucking phone!
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 9 April 2010
enviro-date, where guys who have completely fucked up can ask really nice girls out, I’d ask ARCHER…
Version1
Said on the 15 July 2010
they have another one now where a proper bug eyed bellend is tryin to buy football tickets by shovin his phone through the counter. where the fuck do they get these people from?
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