Diet Coke – Duffy
24 March 2009 by SilkyHello you crackers.
Hello you dried up old hags salivating like crazed dogs over scraps of meat.
Hello you deluded fucks washing down your KFC in the pretence that it’s not your fault you’re the size of a whale.
Hello you Diet Coke drinkers.
Yes, this is the new advert for Diet Coke featuring a nervous sounding Eliza Doolittle impersonator – or Duffy as she prefers to be called – and the butt clenchingly awful and equally meaningless “Hello You” tag line - a greeting, you might remember, made popular by the plank of wood with a huge chin in Friends.
The only glimmer of hope I can offer you about this advert is that you’re not alone in hating it. In fact this is the most popular bad ad submission in the history of TV’s Worst Adverts. So far 1.8 million people have begged for it to be included in the annals of TV advertising shitness.
Amongst the many items of Diet Coke advert related bad news is the fact it’s here for you to watch again:
Now maybe I’m not the best person to comment on Diet Coke adverts because a) I haven’t been through the menopause b) I’m not morbidly obese c) on the 2 occasions that I’ve actually drunk Diet Coke it’s made me be sick through my nose bu,t you know what, I’m going to do it anyway.
This advert makes my skin crawl.
Duffy’s nasally fake-retro voice is nausiating at best but in this advert she manages to whine her way through “I’ve Got to be Me” like a pug being suffocated and sodomised at the same time. She, in essence, sounds like a dog playing out the death scene of Michael Hutchence. What I’m trying to say is that Duffy is the dog version of Michael Hutchence death – you know, in this advert at least.
Why is she riding a bike? Why is she riding it through a super market? Why is she singing a Sammy Davis Jr song with all the personality of a used tea bag?
These are all valid questions, I’ll grant you that, but they pale in significance when put next to the question on all of our lips:
“Why do you sound like a dog with a belt round it’s neck hanging from the back of a hotel room door who’s possibly been dabbling in some bizarre sexual game that’s gone tragically wrong whilst on tour in Australia? Why? Oh why? Oh why?”
Still it could have been worse – they could have asked Joss Stone to do it.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(111 votes, average: 4.56 out of 5)
92Responses:
MacPedro
Said on the 25 March 2009
If she nicked my bike and then dumped it back after her jaunt, I’d kick her arse round the block. Cheeky cow.
ali
Said on the 25 March 2009
horrendous.. if she likes the 60′s so much, why not fuck off and go live there?
qwidge
Said on the 25 March 2009
I don’t normally mind Duffy’s voice but she seriously sounds like a helium addict on crack in this ad. Also the cheeky pikey pinches that bike and recklessly rides it not only through a supermarket but on the road with no helmet…where’s her sense of safety huh? HUH?
dingus
Said on the 25 March 2009
whats the score with all the electrical tape wrapped round her jumper when it could have been used to cover her gob, she takes one wee sip and fucks off to the shop obviously for rennies, then ends up in iceland and promptly gets chased out by kerry katona who had heard duffy had coke, gets back where she gets handed the can back looks at it goes fuck that i’d rather lick the cheese aff aled jones shiney helmet and puts it down without even a thought and goes of to tortrure the crowd at the local bingo hall.
Hannah
Said on the 25 March 2009
Her voice hits the brown note for me EVERY time… Nasty, nasty advert.
Archer
Said on the 25 March 2009
I love this advert. It’s sweet.
Photosynthesis is awesome
Said on the 26 March 2009
She sounds like a 6yr old on helium, doing karaoke on a PS2 at a birthday party.
And here she sounds even worse.
Simon
Said on the 26 March 2009
That’s Duffy, is it? Everybody looks like nobody nowadays.
Meady Ochre
Said on the 26 March 2009
I actually quite liked her until I saw this ad. Duffy, if you are going down the same route as Joss Stone then hurry up & fuck off to the US. I wonder what a faux American/Welsh/Helium accent sounds like.
Simon Breadbin
Said on the 26 March 2009
Lordy. Can you imagine being at a Duffy gig, surrounded by the sort of women this advert is aimed at? All furiously engaged in swilling Diet Coke and being ‘them’? I’d rather die.
I don’t understand this advert. What is ‘Hello you’? Is drinking Diet Coke supposed to somehow define one as an individual, because I’m pretty fucking sure it doesn’t.
I don’t understand why Diet Coke is viewed ostensibly as a womans product, and advertised as such. I drink Diet Coke because I don’t drink tea or coffee, I don’t want to be high on sugar all day, and Coke Zero is so hamfistedly aimed at my ‘demographic’ that even I, Captain Apathy refuse to drink the stuff; no amount of advertising is going to change that. Perhaps they thought they were doing diabetics a favour “now you can enjoy the great taste of coke without the possibilty of coma or looking like some weird homosexual alien!’.
And Duffy annoys me.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 26 March 2009
Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Just what the world needs. Another Big gobbed woman.
Can someone please just shut her the fuck up?
Which twat is responsible for letting her out of the kitchen in the first fucking place?
dingus
Said on the 27 March 2009
she’s remade it as the first version was deemed too sugary even for diet coke
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9gSZfINUFU
James
Said on the 27 March 2009
what on earth is that awful whining sound?
Ben
Said on the 30 March 2009
I was innocently reading the back of my cereal boxes when this piece of filith came on TV. She is obviously in the wrong gear on that bike, Also the saddle is up way to high. I can only assume that is why she sounds like a pig being stamped to death by a pack of women high on diet coke.
Why did they all wear high heels!!!!!!!
Bex
Said on the 2 April 2009
A Diet Coke drinker, myself (although obviously not without the vodka), and also a female musician, this advert makes me feel physically ill ! What a job I’m gonna have in a couple of years time trying to break that glib stereotype and actually get some respect! And from Wales and all ! Ta alot Duffy, dear. I shall take my revenge! (Pete Doherty forever!!)
Lisa
Said on the 3 April 2009
one of the worst ads ever! She sounds like one of the muppets on a bad day! Not only that but revoltingly cheesy! Puts me off wanting to buy!
piflover
Said on the 6 April 2009
I’ve read that this ad is receiving complaints because it shows her riding at night with no helmet, lights or reflectors. The phrase “criticising the paint job on the Titanic” comes to mind …
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 6 April 2009
Not to speak of her unprofessional behaviour by abandoning a gig 2 minutes before it starts to fuck off down the shop, and where the hell is that shop anyway? I can’t even take a dog in my shop yet this whiney cow gets to ride a bike in one!!
Bigdave
Said on the 9 April 2009
sigh how well i remember the New Years Eve when i found myself housebound and decided to chime in the momentous countdown with the hunch-backed, feral little goiter Jools Holland.
Cue one of his ‘special guests’, a wonderfully enigmatic and quirky little blonde thing who actually sounded a bit fresh and different.
Oh how times changed.
My love affair with Duffy actually ended well before this piece of corporate filth had life breathed into it by Beelzebub when i found out that she featured on the welsh version of the x factor and didnt even fucking win! And then apparently what followed was one the most contrived and manufactured musical figures we’ve had for ages, like some kind of horrible thunderbird-esque marionette with the strings being yanked by Jeanette Lee and Bernard Butler, who should really fucking know better.
Anyway, the point is that we should not be surprised that she has now gone the whole hog by diving headfirst into the deep end of the sell-out pool. That was to be expected, but it just seems soooo lazy, riding around some manky provincial town on a bike from what looks like 1986, wailing and infecting seemingly innocent people with a schmaltz overload.
Also, is it a good idea to have so much saccharine in an ad for an sugar free beverage that diabetics have to cover their fuckin eyes when it comes on TV?
I still would though.
David
Said on the 18 April 2009
Erm, I actually like Duffy, and I like “I’ve Got To Be Me” and what’s more, I like Duffy singing “I’ve Got To Be Me”. I wish she would release it as a single and anyone who disagrees with my opinions, I don’t really care. Duffy hen, gee it laldy! As we Scots say.
Bigdave
Said on the 20 April 2009
Im starting to wonder why people keep coming on here offering some dribblingly loving affirmations of these drivelsome adverts…were they looking for the tvs BEST adverts website or do they just not get the point of this?
J Lightning
Said on the 20 April 2009
Absolute bob.
Red five
Said on the 22 April 2009
Shit advert, shit singing and what’s wrong with her face? It looks like someone set it on fire then tried to put it out with a golf shoe.
Nytrydr
Said on the 23 April 2009
I have never seen this ad before, as I live in australia where we have never heard of duffy, though sadly, we have heard of diet coke (though nobody admits to drinking it). OM freaking G! At first I thought “so that’s what happened to Kate Kestrel!! (terrahawks reference, she didn’t look good enought ot be a thunderbird), she’s gone and done a Michael Jackson job on her skin, and is now riding a bike though a frigging Tesco!!!!” – we have heard of tesco here, but we aren’t allowed to have competition in the retail market either. – Come on, you are not seriously trying to tell me that “woman” is a celebrity, surely not even in the UK brought up on a diet of thatcherism and cliff richard? I expect better from a nation which has brought me the life long joys of Ben Elton and The Pet Shop Boys. sooooo glad we moved away form there if that’s what pases for celebs these days.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 23 April 2009
Heh, she is actually a good celebrity, (apparently someone once thought she had talent/was stoned enough to think the wailing was groovy) most of our celebs now are famous for nothing… A fucking dustbinman can get Max Clifford to publicise him to superstardom nowadays. I am sick of all these tossers filling the world with their inane banality, I say we revolt!! How does next Thursday sound?
Bigdave
Said on the 27 April 2009
I think we have the public stoning to death of the dancing on ice judging panel on thursday afternoon…
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 27 April 2009
Friday?
Archer
Said on the 27 April 2009
I’m always up for anything revolting.
david
Said on the 27 April 2009
what the fuck is that ad about? what’s going on with her voice? who on god’s clean earth is it aimed at? what moron art buyer thought that this would shift cans of coke? it’s just completely baffling – makes me want to join the taleban -
Bigdave
Said on the 28 April 2009
awwww the taleban! Remember them from all that news that was news ages ago?? You, know before Jade Goody?
I am reminded of the horribly awkward moment in history when the Taliban visited the Whitehouse and looked bemused that the women were wearing trousers and carrying briefcases, probably briefly muttering to Reagan “What the fuck, Ron…?” and ol blue suede eyes replying “Well shucks, as long as we keep most of em in the kitchen, we’re still in charge”
Kind of like Robert Mugabe whispering to Gordon Brown “Yo Gordon, couldnt you do anything bout that bitch Duffy in that crappy ad?”
I checked Friday Covert and unfortunately I am kidnapping Jeremy Kyle and Jeremy Clarkson and locking them in a cell until they can repoduce a child.
Unfortunately, the sheer megatronic force of their combined egos will indeed produce a sentient baby, who shall be the anti-christ our planet has been waiting to return.
He will grow up and cause untold suffering, and will be dubbed by the global media as ‘Jeremy Max’, and will be re-christened by Heat magazine as ‘Jer-ax’ because who has time for 4 syllable names anymore We got things to do!
Anyway thats Friday morning. Friday afternoon i’m goin to the pub.
The Boy Of Steel
Said on the 28 April 2009
Duffy sucks ass.
‘I want to live…’ she sings as she joyously and merrily rides around the street with that stupid lop-sided smile on her demented face.
Well Duffy,
‘I want you to die…’
I was desperately hoping a Diet Coke truck would plough into her right at the end, and her limp, pale body gets dragged under the wheels all the way back to Wales, the vomit-inducing little prick.
liam.c
Said on the 8 May 2009
jobs to do tomorow
1 get up light breakfast
2 shoot duffy with a dessert egale (powerfull gun)
3 good dinner
4 play on my dsi
5 tea
6bed
Andy
Said on the 9 May 2009
7 Learn to spell.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 10 May 2009
8 Unlock the secrets of punctuation.
PS Archer, I might have known you’d like anything revolting…..
Archer
Said on the 10 May 2009
I think ‘dessert egale’ is French for equal pudding.
That might be a euphemism.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 11 May 2009
Don’t open the Equal Pudding debate, my cake is always smaller than everyone elses
david
Said on the 12 May 2009
Piflyover need not fret about the lack of appropiate safety-wear being sported in this harrowing commercial – surely Duffy’s elephant man-like gargantuan skull would ensure maximum protection in the event of a collision whilst her terrifying fizzog is far more effective than any fluorescent vest or lighting could ever be?
Archer
Said on the 12 May 2009
CovertJellyfish – surely you know it’s not the size of the pudding that counts. It’s how far you can spread the custard.
SuperFurrySeahawk
Said on the 14 May 2009
I wonder if the bit where she rides the bicycle through the supermarket was partly inspired by the scene in the early 70s British biker horror movie Psychomania where they terrorise shoppers and proceed to wreck a supermarket (here’s the clip of the scene, it starts at around 5mins 45secs… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhg4SugqtDk ).
I can just imagine now if the ad had featured Duffy and she included her backing band or roadies and they went on to steal some Triumph Bonnevilles instead of pushbikes and rode them into the local Tesco or Netto or whatever, and Duffy singing “I’ve got to be me…” whilst riding straight into a pram with a baby inside it.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 14 May 2009
Ah well, that’s ok then, ‘cos there’s always a bottomless jug policy….
Archer
Said on the 14 May 2009
Sorry… was that aimed at me?
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 14 May 2009
Ah, erm, yeah, sorry about that…
Archer
Said on the 14 May 2009
Mind my eye next time, eh?
Ah well… that’s what baby wipes are for.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 15 May 2009
The response is so obvious every one can see it coming…
Archer
Said on the 16 May 2009
Dear god… I have to stop using amaretto as a mixer. Even if it does sweeten the taste of the paraffin.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 16 May 2009
Hmmm…
Amaretto Coffee 
Archer
Said on the 16 May 2009
I would. But after the other night I don’t think there’s any amaretto left.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 17 May 2009
Yuck, raw parrafin….
Archer
Said on the 17 May 2009
No, actually this time I mixed it with Diet Coke.
Say… isn’t the Diet Coke advert really annoying? (See what I did there?)
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 21 May 2009
We are not worthy….
gringo
Said on the 16 June 2009
Big black cock smashed in to the back of her head
frankie smales
Said on the 17 June 2009
ridding a bike through a supermarket is not a great
idea though but not a bad advert at all just a tad annoying
in parts though.
frankie smales
(tv advert fan)
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 25 June 2009
With the recent hot weather, the diet coke drinkers are now wearing less and less, and as a man I can only say “PLEASE STOP! PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON!” I am not joking, I saw a ‘girl’ who must of weighed 18st wearing a small white halter top and blue cullottes, now if only she had been 14ft tall it would have been a spectacular sight, however when she looks like the Mitchelin Man in drag, I realise there is not enough alcohol in the world for me to get an erection. As she swigged the last drops of her saccarine laden chemical drink, she espied me looking at her, to my horror she tried to give me a sexy wiggle and a smile, unfortunatly she didn’t stop wiggling for about five minutes. If anyone knows a good therapist can they please ask him to do some of the finest work of his life, and help me. Please.
Bigdave
Said on the 30 June 2009
Cov, i dont think your missus would appreciate you letting us all know what her Summer outfit is. snort. I agree, fat girls, cover up at all times.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 30 June 2009
Lol, if you think I let my wife out of the scullery you are having a laugh… Brides wear white so they can match the rest of the kitchen appliances.
Maybe that’s why so many men take the missus to Magnet, “Design the kitchen round her, and leave room for her arse to get fat”
Archer
Said on the 1 July 2009
I’m personally enjoying the number of boob tubes the hot weather has brought out. Nothing like a fat lass hoiking up a boob tube every 5 minutes to let you know that summer’s here.
Bigdave
Said on the 3 July 2009
ahhh yes but theres nothing like a sexy girl re-arranging her assets in a boob tube to let you know that the winter was worth enduring. Silver linings, my dears, silver linings.
Archer
Said on the 4 July 2009
I thought the fat lass in a boob tube *was* the silver lining.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 4 July 2009
I need new stomach lining, I know that….
Mr Archer
Said on the 4 July 2009
You guys are unlucky. First sign of summer and my wife is in the chain mail bikini.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 12 July 2009
Hmmm… But a sudden lightning storm would free you Mr. Archer!!
Archer
Said on the 13 July 2009
I particularly liked the way he said ‘the’ chain mail bikini – like we share one.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 13 July 2009
Are his moobs that bad then?
Archer
Said on the 13 July 2009
Nah – they’re great. I can close my eyes and pretend I’m with Jordan.
Bigdave
Said on the 20 July 2009
thats what Peter Andre has to do now
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 20 July 2009
Peter Andre is knocking boots with Archers husband?!??
Archer
Said on the 21 July 2009
I’m always the last to know everything.
Another Ad Hater
Said on the 1 August 2009
I don’t mind Duffy but she sounds so fucking awful in this advert! Why does she have to sing at such a high pitch? It’s makes my ears fucking bleed. I’m so glad this piece of shit doesn’t appear on TV now.
Also, her oufit is fucking hideous! I can’t believe she didn’t hurt herself on that bike as she was wearing NO HELMET! Coke, what the hell were you thinking? And I want to mention that their sponsorship adverts that appear every 8 fucking minutes during Ugly Betty on Channel 4 are so goddamn ANNOYING! Thank goodness for Sky+!
Kirsty
Said on the 14 August 2009
Diet coke is awful, I much prefer pepsi max, although they link that with health problems and of course your teeth get wrecked and as for Duffy…my god she irritates me, i think it’s her face that does it, urgh!
Mr A Reaper esq
Said on the 2 September 2009
Coke more like poke for the welsh whore and please oh please this slut can not sing she should be fucked by a lawnmower..I would not drink this shit even if i were on fire and it was my last hope of survival they piss in the shit when its made and probably have a tommy tank in it as well…and as for that duffy fuck me that twat should die or better still she should go down on that other welsh cunt charlotte church…
kirsty
Said on the 2 September 2009
mr reaper! nicely said! lol
rik o shea
Said on the 29 October 2009
yet another welsh inbred , half sheep ,half (fill this bit in yourself)
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 29 October 2009
Ha!! I knew it!! 14th of May Archer!! I warned you!!! You have no right to act all surprised!!!
Archer
Said on the 29 October 2009
Oh Jellyfish… where would you be without your official spellchecker… you’ve muddled your words up there.
You don’t mean ‘surprised’, you mean ‘satisfied’.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 29 October 2009
Oh no Archer, I worked hard to give you that look of smug satisfaction..
Archer
Said on the 29 October 2009
I’m surprised you’ve got the energy to work hard at anything sweetie. I must be doing something wrong.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 29 October 2009
I can’t work now… I can barely walk…
Daniel Newton
Said on the 30 October 2009
You two are a couple of attention seeking arse lickers.
REAL Daniel Newton
Said on the 30 October 2009
Who the hell thinks its funny to use my name? what are you 5?
THE REAL REAL DANIEL NEWTON
Said on the 30 October 2009
Will the real Daniel Newton please stand up, all you other Daniel Newtons are just imitations…
Archer
Said on the 31 October 2009
And we’re attention seeking?? At least I don’t think I’m Eminem.
Daniel Newton
Said on the 31 October 2009
Urgh, there really are some sad people out there with nothing better to do!
I'm Daniel Newton and so is my wife
Said on the 31 October 2009
Arse lickers! THat’s right that’s what i’m calling you!
I am the one and only DANIEL NEWTON
Said on the 25 November 2009
I think this welsh bitch should stick to fucking sheep instead of making coke adverts.
Daniel Newton
Said on the 25 November 2009
Dear spammer/troll/sad person:
Please stop using my name; it’s becoming very monotonous now.
Thank you.
Danton Newiel
Said on the 25 November 2009
I prefer Pepsi Max.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 25 November 2009
Awww, so sad, you really have to pity someone who can’t even be themselves on an anonymous website, such low self esteem, but don’t worry, if the little boy stops trolling/maturbating and goes out of his front door, he might meet real people and find out that there is a whole world out there to be scared of….
Rob
Said on the 6 December 2009
i MUST ADMIT SHE IS AN UGLY CUNT……
no matter how much shit they stick on her face her mouth is still that of a fucking horse..
DUFFY your copied fake american karaoke music is WANK
sandra
Said on the 11 January 2010
She looks inbred. Or a bit like a man in drag. What’s happening on the bottom half? Are those leggings? Jeans? Jeggings? Her whole appearance is subtly wrong and disturbing to me.
Ad Hater 2.0
Said on the 26 January 2010
HAHA! Blur’s manager called this advert abysmal!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8480191.stm
Serves you right, Coke, for making this shite!
MEL
Said on the 30 January 2010
HOLY CRAP WOT THE FUCK WAS DAT? IS THAT MEANT TO BE SINGIN? GEEZ….MY CAT MAKES A SIMILAR SOUND WHEN ITS BEIN AGGITATED BY BIRDS…
rik o shea
Said on the 26 February 2010
welsh surnames: jones, williams,davies,jones, jones, jones and jones , see they are all inbreds !