Cerco IT Training

8 March 2008 by Silky

Hate your current job?

Tired of spending 9 till 5 wanking off pigs down at the sausage farm? Looking for a brighter, less demeaning future?

Well, why not get a job as a support professional instead?

I’ll tell you why not, because even if you had to give the pigs blow jobs then spit their semen up sows’ vaginas, you’d still have a job that was less degrading than working on a support desk.

Even if you had to do it whilst crawling through the pig shit, in the nude, on a freezing cold day, with your genitals painted luminous yellow, and it was being screened live to the nation during the Corrie ad break, you’d still retain more self respect than if you worked on a support desk.

Yes, working on a support desk for an IT company is one of the worst jobs ever invented. In fact, I’d rather edit celebrity beauty magazines.

Typically seen as being 2 or 3 rungs lower down the “importance ladder” than the company’s toilet brush, support desk workers have to deal with ignorance, indignation and anger for 8 hours a day, all of which is shouted anonymously down a phone.

When you work on a support desk you become a figure of hate and ridicule for the simple reason you’ve graduated with a computer science degree but no-one will employ you because you need 3 years experience (even for a junior developer role) and in desperation you’ve taken the support desk job instead, just to keep your hand in.

What a bastard you are.

And on top of that, a book of 1st class stamps costs more than you’ll earn each year. It’s true. Regardless of what Cerco IT Training state the national average salary to be there are tramps that make more money than you will.

What’s that? You still think working as a support professional is the way to improve your life?

Well, alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just make sure you spell “support” correctly on your job application and not how Cerco IT Training spell it on their advert:

Thanks for all the supprt

“Idiots. No wonder they work in support. Can’t even spell their own job properly” Etc. Etc. Etc.

Thanks to Mark Williams for e-mailing this Bad Ad to me.

7Responses:

Dave

March 9th, 2008 4:48 pm

Notice how none of these adverts actually state how much these courses cost, one of the main considerstaions before taking on a training course is how much wonga do I have to shell out, yet it is so unimportant to Cerco (and Computeach) that they can’t be arsed to tell you, surely if they’re such good value and lead you down the Yellow Brick Road to Bill Gatesdom, they’d be only to pleased to trumpet how little they are compared to the fabulous salary you’re about to earn when you qualify and take you certificate home to show your Mum, who will no doubt boast to her mates down the bingo about how clever you are and you have a diploma in computer science which she’s put on the wall next to your asbo. Beware of anything that boasts of possible (best case scenario) benefits but makes no mention of outlay.
Basic In Stink

March 11th, 2008 1:49 pm

As a computer hardware engineer of 30 years experience, I can only agree wholeheartedly with the comments re our position on (or rather below) the great ladder of life.
I have therefore to draw two conclusions.
1:- I am a prat
2:- God is punishing me. (I play bass guitar as well, so I’ve brought it all on myself)
Pete

March 11th, 2008 10:28 pm

As someone who used to work in IT support and keep telling people it’s shit. I’m printing this out and handing it to people who ask ‘How do I get into that?” . It’s the best defination I’ve seen.
Captain Flymo

March 23rd, 2008 3:14 pm

38 Grand? Like fuck. I’m a senoir developer and I don’t earn that much. Our support desk guys are bloody good at their jobs and know their oats but if we told them we were going to pay them just shy of Â£40k it would kill them stone dead because they’d all have massive and instantaneous heart failure in disbelief. which would rather ruin the joke when we tell them that we’re just kidding. Anyone taken in by this ad is a spanner and deserves the hate, vitriol, bigotry and bile which pours down the phone line.
ian johnson

July 16th, 2008 6:35 pm

I was taken in by cerco who took nearly 4k of my money only for me to find out it is nearly impossible to fail there exams after 2 attempts a tutor talks you through it.
you then get a few interviews only to be offerd temp work no good with a mortgage to pay then you get forgot about and return to youre normal job minus a lot of hard earned money

PLEASE DONT BOTHER
Cerco IT Supprt :O

July 18th, 2008 2:43 pm

I can agree with Ian, I took the fantastically easy course and was then forgotten about for a couple of months. Finally i was offered a temp job 70 miles away from where I live and have only worked 1 day in 14!!!!! Maybe going to Cerco wasn’t a good idea.
Sam

September 7th, 2008 1:28 am

They have changed it now, but Cerco used to have a “Will you pass our online skills test??” multiple choice exam online, which had really technical questions like “What is RAM? a.Memory b.A sheep c.Dont know”
Just to be sure that only people with a real aptitude for IT, like the binman/IT manager in the ad, would get the privilege of paying for a Cerco course - no matter what you answered you would get a remarkable passing score of 80% - 38k salary no doubt just a quick job interview away…