Cerco IT Training
8 March 2008 by SilkyHate your current job?
Tired of spending 9 till 5 wanking off pigs down at the sausage farm? Looking for a brighter, less demeaning future?
Well, why not get a job as a support professional instead?
I’ll tell you why not, because even if you had to give the pigs blow jobs then spit their semen up sows’ vaginas, you’d still have a job that was less degrading than working on a support desk.
Even if you had to do it whilst crawling through the pig shit, in the nude, on a freezing cold day, with your genitals painted luminous yellow, and it was being screened live to the nation during the Corrie ad break, you’d still retain more self respect than if you worked on a support desk.
Yes, working on a support desk for an IT company is one of the worst jobs ever invented. In fact, I’d rather edit celebrity beauty magazines.
Typically seen as being 2 or 3 rungs lower down the “importance ladder” than the company’s toilet brush, support desk workers have to deal with ignorance, indignation and anger for 8 hours a day, all of which is shouted anonymously down a phone.
When you work on a support desk you become a figure of hate and ridicule for the simple reason you’ve graduated with a computer science degree but no-one will employ you because you need 3 years experience (even for a junior developer role) and in desperation you’ve taken the support desk job instead, just to keep your hand in.
What a bastard you are.
And on top of that, a book of 1st class stamps costs more than you’ll earn each year. It’s true. Regardless of what Cerco IT Training state the national average salary to be there are tramps that make more money than you will.
What’s that? You still think working as a support professional is the way to improve your life?
Well, alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just make sure you spell “support” correctly on your job application and not how Cerco IT Training spell it on their advert:
“Idiots. No wonder they work in support. Can’t even spell their own job properly” Etc. Etc. Etc.
Thanks to Mark Williams for e-mailing this Bad Ad to me.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(9 votes, average: 4.22 out of 5)
16Responses:
Dave
Said on the 9 March 2008
Notice how none of these adverts actually state how much these courses cost, one of the main considerstaions before taking on a training course is how much wonga do I have to shell out, yet it is so unimportant to Cerco (and Computeach) that they can’t be arsed to tell you, surely if they’re such good value and lead you down the Yellow Brick Road to Bill Gatesdom, they’d be only to pleased to trumpet how little they are compared to the fabulous salary you’re about to earn when you qualify and take you certificate home to show your Mum, who will no doubt boast to her mates down the bingo about how clever you are and you have a diploma in computer science which she’s put on the wall next to your asbo. Beware of anything that boasts of possible (best case scenario) benefits but makes no mention of outlay.
Basic In Stink
Said on the 11 March 2008
As a computer hardware engineer of 30 years experience, I can only agree wholeheartedly with the comments re our position on (or rather below) the great ladder of life.
I have therefore to draw two conclusions.
1:- I am a prat
2:- God is punishing me. (I play bass guitar as well, so I’ve brought it all on myself)
Pete
Said on the 11 March 2008
As someone who used to work in IT support and keep telling people it’s shit. I’m printing this out and handing it to people who ask ‘How do I get into that?” . It’s the best defination I’ve seen.
Captain Flymo
Said on the 23 March 2008
38 Grand? Like fuck. I’m a senoir developer and I don’t earn that much. Our support desk guys are bloody good at their jobs and know their oats but if we told them we were going to pay them just shy of £40k it would kill them stone dead because they’d all have massive and instantaneous heart failure in disbelief. which would rather ruin the joke when we tell them that we’re just kidding. Anyone taken in by this ad is a spanner and deserves the hate, vitriol, bigotry and bile which pours down the phone line.
ian johnson
Said on the 16 July 2008
I was taken in by cerco who took nearly 4k of my money only for me to find out it is nearly impossible to fail there exams after 2 attempts a tutor talks you through it.
you then get a few interviews only to be offerd temp work no good with a mortgage to pay then you get forgot about and return to youre normal job minus a lot of hard earned money
PLEASE DONT BOTHER
Cerco IT Supprt :O
Said on the 18 July 2008
I can agree with Ian, I took the fantastically easy course and was then forgotten about for a couple of months. Finally i was offered a temp job 70 miles away from where I live and have only worked 1 day in 14!!!!! Maybe going to Cerco wasn’t a good idea.
Sam
Said on the 7 September 2008
They have changed it now, but Cerco used to have a “Will you pass our online skills test??” multiple choice exam online, which had really technical questions like “What is RAM? a.Memory b.A sheep c.Dont know”
Just to be sure that only people with a real aptitude for IT, like the binman/IT manager in the ad, would get the privilege of paying for a Cerco course – no matter what you answered you would get a remarkable passing score of 80% – 38k salary no doubt just a quick job interview away…
Martin Schwanke
Said on the 14 October 2008
Hi David,
Just my feelings about Cerco.
I wanted a change of career (or even just a proper career), having suffered from severe depression, and having managed to “get out of the rut”, I decided against going back into Public service work (previously having been a Post office transport manager), and decided to take the “Cerco Challenge”.
I paid the 5k for a fast track course, having many PC builds already under my belt, and achieved a 100% pass in both practical and theory, and was presented with the Cerco CCSN certificate.
I then was informed that I would be placed into work as soon as Cerco found me a placement near me (I lived at the time in the village of Selsey on Sea, West Sussex, and the waiting for a placement seemed to go on and on, In the end , I got fed up and started applying locally, and was lucky enough to find a small industrial/military computer assemble, confuguration firm in Chichester, and am still happily working with them after nearly 3 years, but Cerco eventually found me a placement withing a Service centre company based in Stevenage, but working from home around the south coast.
I attended the interview for this position, but would have been earning less than with Kontron UK (my present company), and subsequently refused Cerco’s offer, and with that, they stated that I would not be found any further jobs from them.
During the interview for the Cerco contract, we (there were about 30 or so Cerco guys / gals), were given a test to confirm out suitability for the task in hand (changing hardware from Server racks in Banks at weekend’s) and the answers of the test were given to us to fill in. This smelled heavily of a scam to me.
Also, Cerco not only make the 5 grand per time from the student fee’s, but also earn far more from the contractee’s than they pay out, therefore , I cannot help but feel slightly “ripped off” from the whole affair.
I should have paid for my MCSE in India, but by working hard, and for a good company, now have resonable job security, satisfaction and have gained my compTIA A+, Network+ and an embedded hardware certification, all with Kontron UK, and enjoy occasional travel to Germany (Munich) to boot.
Kindest regards,
Martin Schwanke (Portchester near Portsmouth UK).
WillHelm
Said on the 16 October 2008
Be very careful about Cerco IT, they promise so much but the reality is they deliver so little and leave you feeling frustrated and yes we have been ripped off. The course is not industry recognised. They funnel you into jobs that they want on part time contracts which they make out to be full time contracts. They provide no additional training for these part time jobs and then you have to travel miles to get them. When you ask about it you get “thats IT for you, thats peaks and troughs etc” all bullshit answers, they should actually spend some time with engineers and see how crap the jobs are!!! You do not even sign a contract and they tell you nothing about sick pay, pensions etc. They make a lot of money out of you firstly by charging 4K for a non industry recognised course and then by sub contracting you to a company that pays Cerco lots of money then pay you so little for it, they make out that its you that owes them so much for getting them a part time job!!! If you are looking at Cerco IT, dont bother, look elsewhere for true and relevant IT quals.
Arthur
Said on the 24 September 2009
Just wanted to take this opportunity to say that Steven Emden is a twat and so are the recruitment team.
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 24 September 2009
Steady on Arthur, Twats are useful sometimes….
steven
Said on the 20 October 2009
Cerco, Cerco, Cerco…
Well I have to admit after experiencing Cerco myself I too feel the same.
Back in 2007 after recovering from Meningitis I went to Cerco, I paid for the fast track IT course.
In all fairness I didn’t find the course all that bad, I made some good friends and learnt quite a bit too!
As far as I am concerned that’s where the niceness ends, Chris Edge needs a smack… this dimwit tried to tell me I wasn’t any good even though I had consistently outscored every other person in my class, upon telling him this he then tried to make out he had been mis-informed (Prick)
Good job I became mates with Andy Tansey (Director) as I let him know that a sniveling adminitrator should keep his thoughts to himself, he agreed and the matter was dealt with.
Following this, Cerco use their professional CV techniques to copy and paste as much shite from other sources as humanly possible, I found great additions to my CV like ‘Posesses office dynamic layout knowledge’ – Do I?
So… back to Andy, I asked one of the people in the contact centre to print out my original cv and compare, again… Andy dealt with this, should anyone want to see my Cercocised cv please let me know.
If I went into an interview and had this cv not only would I not get the job, I’d be laughed out of the room.
It seems as the only Employer Cerco can attract is Banktec as a part time contract… They wanted all my background history and didn’t like it when I told them I was out of work with Meningitis as I wasn’t working with the disease, nice of them to care?!?!?
Inevitably I got a job off my own back and was damn proud as all I ever got from Cerco was ‘ nothing in your area’ and if there was something say 20 miles away ‘the employer for this post wants you to live in a close proximity’ to which my response is 15 minutes away an issue?
I feel as though I wasted my time as having now sat the MCDST and CompTia exams rarely get asked about the CSNN or whatever it is, just don’t get it confused with the CCNA that won’t go down well
James
Said on the 20 October 2009
i’m an IT professional and i’d rather have a job wanking off pigs
Mike (liveuk)
Said on the 7 February 2010
Cerco changed the name of their course erm wonder why
Got 75% on a try on the exam thingy before the course which is a pass then got 99% on the day after being told all the answers (tick accident). The answers to COM port and LS120 might need a history book.
I am not good with people or social shit I told them that and just I want to fix computers and or software for a living but they are good at that shit and take our money because we are nerds and not sure of how to move in suit land.
These suits willl just take your cash and give you a cerfificate that the IT world see’s as shit (pig sperm cets dot com)
I am writing this so people who go for the new name search and find this very clear thread
Gemma Cliffe
Career Consultant
Unique IT Training
Direct Dial- 01270 219770
Fax- 01270 219761
The new Cerco “Unique” erm google mate Cerco = Unique define Cerco: Unique
Thanks for making a thred to vent on feels good and yes if you want to make some friends 2 or three in one go spend you thousands on an Gaming Lan party instead same result.
Our definition of Cerco=Pig wanking
Simon
Said on the 5 September 2010
I have to agree with all of the above , CERCO are nothing short of con-artists, I like a fool did their course in March this year, and have had one job since then that was in Bristol for an hour changing a 42in tv with another CERCO Contractor since then I have had zip , nada nothing from them , every promise of contracts suddenly disappear after the company looking for comntractors realise who is providing the staff.
Since then they have asked me to do a CSCS white /grey card exam at cost to myself, I am now considering resigning from them and doing ITIL and MCDST to get a proper certification.
Dave
Said on the 20 October 2011
Cerco IT Staffing are the biggest shower of bastards it has ever been my displeasure to encounter. I wasted nearly 9 months of my life working for them. They send you out on assignments and give you no support whatsoever. They never return your phone calls or emails. They never let you know in advance what your schedule is going to be. They just call and say “We need you to go to some shop somewhere at the other end of the country for 6am tomorrow morning and install some computers” and you do it, because you desperately need the money and haven’t had any other work for two weeks. You get up at 3am and drive to the place and the job is usually a fucking nightmare which takes twice as long as expected. The staff blame you for everything that went wrong even though it was completely beyond your control. You finally get home at 8pm completely destroyed, having earned £70 while Cerco charged the company £400+ for your services that day. I could go on….