Lynx?

On TV’s Worst Adverts?

Surely some mistake?

I’ll let Andy, who submitted this bad ad, explain:

It’s just horrific, isn’t it?

Is it? You tell me dear reader, you tell me (you know by voting and leaving comments and shit).

It’s just turned lunch time in the offices of Cobblers & Shitbiscuit Advertising Agency (that makes it 10:31 precisely) and Bertie Cobblers is struggling to finish the Sun quick crossword again as Silky returns from his long brunch.

“What-oh, Silky! Help me out with this blasted crossword, will you? 5 across, 8 letters ‘Found on front doors and Page 3′, K-N-something-C-K-something-R-S”

“Erm, no. No idea, Bertie. But good news, old chum, I’ve got us a job!”

“Oh no, I don’t want to hold a Golf Sale sign all day long.”

“No, no, Bertie, it’s not that again. It’s for a tele advert and they’re going to pay us £200.”

“Oh boy, £200? That is good news. What’s it for?”

“I don’t know exactly. Something called Formoline; it’s for women or something.”

“Right, well how can we drive home the name of the product and that it’s for women without revealing the fact we’ve absolutely no idea what it’s for?”

“That is a tricky one, Bertie, that is a tricky one.”

Thanks to Cath for submitting this bad ad.

Previously on TWA I’ve complained about the terrible dubbing on the Cillit Bang advert.

But the lip syncing on that is of the highest quality when compared to the advert for the bizarrely named Paula – a new chilled desert for kids made with whole milk and cool splodges, no less:

Thanks to Louise for submitting this bad ad.

There are some who might say that “imitation is the greatest form of flattery”.

In fact I’m one of them which is why I think my fake Rolex (or “Rollex” as it says on the watch face) flatters my wrist oh so very much.

And there are also those who might, less frequently, say that “when you’re in a TV advert you’ve made the big time”.

I’m not one of those.

However, in the case of the new Coors Light advert and the Flight of the Conchords I definitely don’t think that the imitation is particularly flattering, in fact it’s painfully bad, and it definitely doesn’t mean that the Conchords have made the big time (sorry, Murray).

I’m not too ashamed to say that I had such a fright when I first saw this Coors light advert my boys jumped so far back into the barracks that my eyes bulged clean out of their sockets:

Does it not remind you in anyway of a Frankenstein’s Monster version of She’s So Hot, Boom!:

It’s like the Sugar Puffs/Mighty Boosh business all over again.

And by some accounts (I heard it from a bloke down the pub) Coors have pulled the advert after some fairly critical comments (you know the sort, “Flights of ths Conchords rip-off” this, “copyright infringement” that…).

I think it’s about time that advertisers learn that these comedy pastiches just don’t work out of the context of the show.

People who haven’t seen The Flight of the Conchords are just going to think this some festering turd of an advert with 2 blokes shouting some incomprehensible nonsense at them. And on top of that because fans of cult(ish) comedy tend to be really protective of their favourite shows these adverts are never going to get anything but slated.

You know, I thought Alpen’s attempt to sex up muesli last year was a little desperate but that’s nothing compared to Envirofone’s attempt to sex up the world of mobile phone recycling.

Their advert is a little bit like a play on the old joke in which an attractive woman appears on an old man’s doorstep and tells him “I’m here to offer you super sex!”. To which the man replies “I’ll have the soup, please.”

Yes the Environfone advert poses the question: Which do men prefer, a scantily clad young woman or 32 quid?

Or as Chelsea Monks, who submitted this bad ad, asks:

What red blooded male would pass her up for a tenner??!!

Quite.

In fact, I was so unsure about which I prefer, I’ve had to watch this advert 50 or 60 times in a row now. And my view on this matter is still slightly blurred – along with my view of everything else after seeing her dirty pillows so many times.

Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that she is either a ghost – which would explain why he appears not to notice her – or that she charges at least £32 for whatever service she offers – and this is why he is so focused on his goal.

Yep, definitely one of those two options.

Cheers, Chelsea Monks.

How do you convince people that they’re not eating enough chicken – in a convenient bite size format – late at night?

Simple:

Thanks to Jonny Chestwig for submitting this bad ad.

I can’t help but feel that if anybody actually thinks that their broadband is the reason their home is unhappy they need to be taken into care for their own safety.

Because, as any sane person knows, the things that actually make your home unhappy are:

1. Light Switches
2. Duvets
3. Extension Cables
4. Hair Scrunchies
5. Tea Towels

Broadband doesn’t even feature on the list, the idiots.

So come on O2, starting talking some sense!

Are you one of those poor deluded fools that thinks “TV Advertising” is all about “Advertising” on “TV”?

Don’t you know what century it is, Grandad?

Haven’t you heard of social networking? User-generated content? Not even heard of the internet?

No? People like you make me sick!

In this modern age, it seems that TV advertising is as much about creating an online *buzz* as it is having a good advert. Of course, the pinnacle is creating an online *buzz* and having a great advert, like Cadburys did with their Drumming Gorilla advert – I’m sure I’m not the only one who saw the advert on YouTube before seeing it on the tele box.

And Sony are trying the same with their latest advert for their fancy digital imaging equipment – you know, like cameras and shit.

They’ve been creating an online *buzz* for a few weeks now – helped by the fact some people are keen to see how they’re going to follow up: Balls, Paint and Bunnies.

They’ve done it with rumours being leaked from the film set, flying blogger what blogs about adverts to Miami (not this one though, advert haters, but like the Murphy’s, I’m not bitter), posting sneak previews on YouTube.

Until finally they post this online a good 2 weeks before it’s going to be shown on UK TV:

So, seeing as it’s not as good as the hype (oh yeah, and did I mention I didn’t get a free trip to the States) I think it’s only right that we create a little bit of negative online *buzz* here at TV’s Worst Adverts.

I’ll get the ball rolling, you feel free to jump in whenever:

• Derivative! Shit!
• Self-indulgent! Wankers!
• Messy! Bastards!

I mean, even if the flights were too expensive, they could have at least sent me some stuff, you know, like cameras and shit…

I really can’t decide if there’s some charmingly ironic shitness to this animated LOL Cats horror show of an advert or whether it is, in fact, just shit.

There’s undoubtedly something that puts a little grin on my face when it comes on but, crickey, the demonic voice on the jingle and the mad staring eyes of the cats topped off with a lovely little feline threat at the end is just plain creepy.

Who knows what this is all about?

I certainly don’t but then maybe I’ve just gotten too old for this kind of thing.

Now, where’s my Ovaltine?