This is probably the worst use of a survey to support a claim that I’ve ever seen on a cosmetics advert.

The Claim: Rimmel’s Volume Booster Lip Gloss gives a “Lip plumping sensation” and gives you “Sexy and voluptuous lips“.

The Statistics: 47% of 34 women agreed.

Not only is a survey of 34 women completely useless (was it of 34 women that were in the office that day?) but not even 50% of the women asked agreed with the statement!

Magical.

Judge for yourself.

I was thinking twice whether to blog this because it’s a bit *old hat* but they insist on still showing the damned adverts, so here it is.

Sometimes adverts are for stuff that you need, sometimes they are for stuff that you want and sometimes they are for stuff that no-one wants and they definitely don’t need. Activia from Danone falls into the last category.

Before I go any further I’ll hold my hands up here. I’m not a scientist. I’ve got a GSCE in it but that doesn’t make me a gastroenterologist. I’m fairly certain though that when it comes to discomfort downstairs, men and women aren’t that different. There have been studies that show we’ve got different brains (although the results aren’t as conclusive as some). Hormonal differences? I can dig that, Sister. But discomfort downstairs? I don’t think so, Homes.

So when I see the Activia advert that tells me that “digestive discomfort affects 56% of women” and that by eating “Bifidus ActiRegularis®” (that’s the new name for “Bifidus Made-up-ium”…) at least once a day, I’m thinking “I know a cheaper way to solve that”.

Even though “82% of people with digestive discomfort said they felt better after eating Activia®” I confident that I can beat it.

In fact I’m sure I’m not the first one to think up the solution, but here it is: farting. The advert should go:

“Digestive discomfort affects 56% of women. So for the love of God, do a fart!”.

I know from having spoken to, ooh, at least 5 women in my life that most women (at least 56.5% of them) live in a fantasy land in which they don’t actually have the ability to do farts. But women, cards on the table, you can do farts, can’t you? And I say go for it. It’s very, very satisfying and it relieves digestive discomfort 100% of the time or your money back.

Judge for yourself.