As I mentioned before, I’m hoping to find some new writers to join the team here are TVs Worst Adverts.

And I want that writer to be you *.

To help me in my quest I’d like you to submit an advert review for any advert that is currently showing on UK TV.

Your review can be as long or as short as you think it needs to be (Note: Don’t make it too long, I get bored very easily) and can be in whatever style you want.

Although it might not be obvious on first reading TVs Worst Adverts, this site is supposed to be *humorous* (no really, it is) and I’d like the new writers to continue in this vein. So submissions that are at least vaguely amusing will do better than ones that simply say things like “Davina McCall’s pointy nose. What’s that about?” or “I hate Howard. He has a shiny head and can’t sing“, for example.

Along with your review it would be really helpful if you could also include a link to an online version of the advert. Here’s a few good places to look if you’re struggling with this:

• YouTube
• TellyAds
• Visit4Info

Once you’re happy with your review please email it to me here at TVs Worst Adverts HQ.

Here’s a few more things to bear in mind before entering:

• I’ve not set a limit on how many people I’m looking for, if I think your submission was good enough then you’re in.
• If you’re one of the lucky few who’s asked to join the team, there’ll be no pressure to write something every day. Just a few times a month will be great - this doesn’t have to ruin your life or anything.
• You wont get paid for it. Your reward will be seeing you’re name in light grey at the top of each post you submit - and any dividend payouts should I ever float TWA on the stock market.
• You might get to go for drinks with me one day. I may even buy them.

The hunt will run for 2 weeks until the 10th September 2008. That should give you plenty of time to channel your rage into a hilarious piece about Davina’s pointy nose and Howard’s shiny head.

OK, so I think that’s about it. If you’ve got any questions, pop them in the comments below.

Good luck, Silky.

* Subject to you not being totally mental. Other conditions do apply.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you love to hate TV adverts.

Because sometimes there are just too many pigs to wank off down at the sausage factory.

So sometimes you struggle to tell the World your thoughts on the latest advertising hate-crime to invade your home.

Which is why, in a week( or so)’s time, I’ll be launching a nationwide (and maybe even internationwide, who knows?) hunt to find some new writers for the UK’s leading and, let’s be honest, funniest TV-based advertisement criticising blog - TV’s Worst Adverts.

This hunt will undoubtedly be as popular as this year’s X-Factor but without the ridiculously over the top Geordie accent. Which is why I’m pulling my trousers up a little closer to my arm pits and hoping someone walks through the double doors who looks the spit for Sinitta.

I just need to pin down some ground rules for the hunt (”Use no more than 16 “cunt”s in a row unless absolutely necessary” etc) but once I’m done the hunt will begin.

So, in the mean time, keep one on the offencebox and one eye on this blog.

Cheers, Silky.

There may be people out there in the World of the Web who have noticed that this post is a few days late.

This unfortunate event is caused by a series of unfortunate events that have exploded from within me over the past few days.

If you’re at a loss as to what that means, think John Hurt in Alien.

Except replace his chest with my bum hole.

And replace the alien with copious amounts of runny poo and you’ll be heading in the right direction.

If only I had some Imodium to hand I could have “opened up my life” rather than my bowels.

OK, so enough toilet talk, here’s this month’s results:

1. Picture Loans - Dad’s Found Your Scooter
2. Formoline
3. Picture Loans - An Adult Conversation
4. Garnier Nutrisse - Davina McCall
5. The Gadget Help Line

So Injury Lawyers 4U with Billy Murray have been knocked off the top spot with Picture Loans Dad’s Found Your Scooter regaining it’s crown.

In fact, Picture Loans have won this award so many times I think I might have to rename in their honour. Hhm, maybe they could sponsor it too… £25,000 should be about right, wouldn’t you say?

Well, that’s it for another Picture Loans (You know the one with that God awful Geordie woman in it) Awards post.

Same time next month (bottoms depending).

Just a quick apology to say that we’re having some technical difficulties here at TWA towers so some things are appearing then disappearing - like the voting icons.

Fuck knows why, but I’m working on it.

Cheers, Silky.

Oh Nickelback - Canadian *rock* *band*, players of the same song, owners of a rhyming dictionary and all round weasel-faced fucknuts.

Ah DFS - purveyors of cheap sofas, makers of butt clenchingly terrible adverts (I’m still hunting for that Subterranean Homesick Blues ad), former employer of Linda Barker.

What were the chances of these two atrocities of the modern world colliding in one horrific televisual advertisment?

But wait, what’s this?

As you’re contemplating your bad luck for having watched an advert that’s made both your ears and your eyeballs bleed, just like buses - albeit buses being driven by the Grim Reaper on a Special Service to Hell - two of the bloody things turn up at once:

Advert 1

Advert 2

But, golly, I just can’t decide which is the gut-wrenching so I’ll open it up to you lot to decide. This poll will run for the next 2 weeks then it can go in the TWA archives for the rest of eternity.

Thanks to Jemma for submitting this bad ad.

Some of TWA’s less drunk readers might have spotted the new “Sponsored Video Content” section now dominating the North-East face of this blog.

As it’s a pretty big change to this blog I thought I’d better mention it rather than hoping you’d all think it was just another binge induced hallucination.

The euphemistically titled “Sponsored Video Content” - or less euphemistically titled “Video Adverts” - section is going to be there for the next month on a trial basis.

Although I’ve been trying to ruin TV’s Worst Adverts slowly with increasingly sloppy and decreasingly funny posts, I’m keen to hear your thoughts on the “Sponsored Video Content” and how you feel it affects this blog.

If you hate (and it magically pays off my mortgage) during this trial period I’ll get rid of it for something more pleasing to my erudite readers’ eyes.

Cheers, Silky.

Right. First off an apology:

June went by so quickly and I was having so much fun watching a couple of fellas kissing that I completely missed the fact that June had gone by.

So this is why the June’s TV’s Worst Advert Award is so late.

Honest.

Anyway, it’s been a good one for the old adverts again with the highlight being the Heinz New York Deli Mayo scandal. Who would have thought that the sight of two men giving each other a peck on the lips would have bought the whole of the American Christian right to its knees. All nodding away in agreement that men performing sexual acts on each other is a terrible, terrible thing.

What a bunch of cunts.

Anyway, enough of this hilarity, on with the results:

1. Injury Lawyers 4 U - Billy Murray
2. Picture Loans - Dad’s Found Your Scooter
3. Picture Loans - An Adult Conversation
4. Acorn Stairlift
   
5. Coors Light - Hear Me Now!

It’s a bit of a different chart this month. And I’ve got to say Billy Murray totally does not deserve to be voted June’s TV’s Worst Advert…. oh no, hang on, he does.

Ta ta!

Yes, TWA has made it to 200 entries. Some have made us laugh, some have made us cry, some have made us consult our lawyers. All have made not one jot of difference to the quality of adverts on TV.

Not one jot!

Anyways, in what at first glance may seem like lazy, slap-on-the-back, self-satisfaction, but in reality is something that has taken me quite some time to do so is in no way lazy, here’s a list - in no particular order - of 5 of my favourtite entries from the past 200.

Enjoy!

Cerco IT Training

And advert encouraging peope to start a new career as an IT support desk professional. A career choice so bad that Tony Robinson is doing a special documentary about next week and an advert with even worse spelling.

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Peugeot 308

Another one of those bloody environmentalist adverts pushing a product that will enable you to repent your filthy polluting ways and be at one with nature - or some cock like that.

Read Full Post

Ferrero Rocher

Sebastian Faulkes had better watch out. Not a particularly bad advert in any way, shape or form but I like the entry. And this is my list. So it’s on it.

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Teach - Work With…

I can think of only one thing I’d rather do less than work on an IT support desk and that’s be a teacher.

Four words as an explanation: Solar Powered Killing Sheep. Oh dear, oh dear.

Read Full Post

Dulco Ease

“Bowel stuff… it’s hard and uncomfortable.”

Nothing more needs to be said.

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You Want More?

As tired and well rehearsed as the jokes all seem on TVs Worst Adverts, I think the dead horse that is UK TV advertising still has some flogging left in it. Wouldn’t you say?

So thanks for reading and for all your contributions over the past 200 posts and let’s look forward to 200 more shit adverts.

Ta ta, Silky.

Yes, I’ve found a new way to waste my life - it’s called Plurk. No really, it is.

I think it’s fair to say that I’ve been a little bit remiss on the writing front recently so I’ve been looking for ways to keep in touch with all you TWA devotees between posts.

I think Plurk might be it (or it might be another internet fad, I’m not sure).

For those of you who don’t no what the Plurk I’m talking about, it’s like Twitter but goes sideways. It let’s you leave short messages (no longer than 140 characters) to speak your brains to the world. Things like “Mum, it’s all gone!” and “My nan records the snooker but not Ultimate Force“.

Important stuff, I think you’ll agree.

Anyway, I want to try it as an experiment to see if you Advert Haters use it, like it, think it’s a bit festering bag of Olay etc.

If you want to sign up, click this link and you’ll be added as one of my friends (ahh, sweet) and we can all get together and Plurk our hearts out.

Cheers, Silky.

Crickey!

Another month flies by and it’s been a good one.

It’s a month that has seen what I think could well be a long running favourite here at TWA, Acorn Stair Lifts.

It features poor little witless Jimmy.

Just sat there trying to use a stairlift but he’s going nowhere. Because he’s sat on a stool, tied to a bannister with a scarf, that he’s trying to make it go up and down with the remote for the tele.

Poor, poor, little witless Jimmy.

The Acorn entry in TWA also broke the news that Mou was resigning from Acorn. Now, I’m not sure how directly this advert affected his decision to resign but, as we’re all nice boys and girls, let’s wish him the best of luck in the future. Unless he finds work with Picture obviously.

Anyway, here’s the voting this month:

1. Acorn Stairlift
2. Picture Loans - Dad’s Found Your Scooter
3. Injury Lawyers 4 U - Billy Murray
4. Picture Loans - An Adult Conversation
5. The Gadget Help Line

So, moving as effortlessly as one of their very own stairlifts, Acorn debut at the top of the charts.

Well done Acorn for being so very shit at adverts.

We salute you.

Until next month, tut ta.