It’s getting close to that time when we like to look back on the events of the year and package them up into glib top 10 lists.

Nowhere is that truer than here at TV’s Worst Adverts – not least because it means I don’t actually have to write any new content for the site. But, as you’ll undoubtedly be aware, like the time George the Blue Peter tortoise broke into Valerie Singleton’s medicine cupboard and ate her entire series supply of “John Noakes Valium” – I’ve been in hibernation for much of the past 12 months.

So, dear Reader, to paper over the cracks of terrible webular site curation, I’m opening up the nominations for TV’s Worst Advert 2010 to you!

All you need to do to nominate an advert is leave a comment on this post – along with a YouTube (or similar) link if you can find one/be arsed. Sometime at the start of December – I don’t want to nail myself to the cross of specifics here – I’ll go through your nominations and produce a list of 10 adverts for you to vote on (obviously, using whatever arbitrary criteria you see fit) to pick TVs Worst Advert 2010.

What could be more simpleser? So get nominating!

Another month, another advert banned by the ASA.

This time round the ASA banned Eve Cameron and her lies about Pentapeptides from our screens. Yes, no more will we have to listen to Eve bang on about the “World Congress of Dermatology” or their “very exciting” – if not somewhat unproven – findings.

But I can’t help but think that this whole sorry, creamy mess could have been avoided if only Olay had gone down the same path as L’Oreal do in their Penelope Cruz adverts.

Because, if listen carefully, through the veils of her amazingly thick Spannish accent she can just about be heard to utter the “For me” disclaimer before stating anything that could be misconstrued as a “fact” by someone without a mind of their own.

These two simple words absolve L’Oreal of any responsibility for the crazy things Penelope might say – “For me L’Oreal’s Elnett is a great way to see off stalkers”, “For me L’Oreal Excellence Creme makes any tart or pie even tastier”, for example. 

So come on Olay, it’s time you learnt that an international movie star – even one with all the charisma and acting ability of a hermorrhoid – reading “For me” from a cue card is not only more convincing to the feeble-minded, celebrity-obsessed consumer than something about “a congresses”, it’s more likely to get past the ASA too.

Worst Advert of the Month Results

Anyways, enough of that, on to the main event – the voting:

1. Oven Pride – Oven Cleaner in a Bag
2. Diet Coke – Duffy
3. Glade – Touch and Fresh – I Want to Poo at Paul’s House
4. Picture Loans – Dad’s Found Your Scooter
5. The Skills Centre – Tony?

So, as you can see, this month’s winner of the TV’s Worst Adverts Worst Advert of the Month Award goes to the breath-takingly patronising Oven Pride advert. An advert that I thought was going to score a perfect 5 but tailed off a little towards the end there.

Well done all the same.

Shameless Self Promotion

If you can just about tolerate TV’s Worst Advert in humourous internet based TV adverts blog form then you’ll probably like the TV’s Worst Adverts Facebook group a similar or slightly less amount.

So why not join and find out?

Go on, there’s quite literally some discussion going on RIGHT NOW about the worst adverts on UK TV.

Subscribe to TWA’s RSS Feed

Like reading about rubbish TV adverts but too lazy to go as far as “clicking a few buttons and doing a bit of typing” to get it? Then why not subscribe to the TV’s Worst Adverts’ RSS Feed and get the latest rubbish sent straight to your feed reader?

What Happened to the Fancy Dress Competition?

Look, let’s agree on this – I’ll never mention it again if you never mention it again. Deal?

These are exciting times here at TV’s Worst Adverts. March marks the 2nd anniversary of TWA first donkey punching the worst in UK TV adverts. Although on a down note, they do call them the terrible 2′s so maybe there won’t be much to look forward to in the next 12 months.

Anyways, as a special birthday present to you all, the ASA were very kind and banned the Flora Buttery advert with Gary Rhodes. Apparently they thought that Flora’s fast and loose use of “statistics” was likely to mislead just about everybody in Britain – except for you clever things who read TWA, of course.

Good old ASA.

Without further ado, here’s February’s top 5 worst adverts, as voted for by you:

1. Picture Loans – Dad’s Found Your Scooter
2. The Skills Centre – Tony?
3. Sky+ – Utter Simplicity
4. DFS – Nickleback Rockstar Part II
5. Picture Loans – An Adult Conversation

So, after a one month absence Picture Loans reclaim the TV’s Worst Adverts top spot.

Shameless Self Promotion Part 1

Here’s part one of my shameless self promotion double header – don’t forget about the TV’s Worst Adverts 2nd birthday fancy dress party that is now officially open!

Shameless Self Promotion Part 2

If you can just about tolerate TV’s Worst Advert in humourous internet based TV adverts blog form then you’ll probably like the TV’s Worst Adverts Facebook group a similar or slightly less amount.

So why not join and find out?

Go on, there’s quite literally some discussion going on RIGHT NOW about the worst adverts on UK TV.

Subscribe to TWA’s RSS Feed

Like reading about rubbish TV adverts but too lazy to go as far as “clicking a few buttons and doing a bit of typing” to get it? Then why not subscribe to the TV’s Worst Adverts’ RSS Feed and get the latest rubbish sent straight to your feed reader?

As you’re all well aware – been in your diary for some time now, I expect – TV’s Worst Adverts is turning 2 on the 11th March.

To celebrate this momentous event, all through March TWA will be holding the TV’s Worst Adverts 2nd Birthday Fancy Dress Competition!

To enter, you need to dress up as your favourite/most hated character from a UK TV advert and take a photo of yourself.

Then either email it to me or upload it to the competition’s official Flickr group by the 14th March.

I’ll then select the 10 best entries (extra kudos for recreating the scene as well) and then put them to the public to vote for the winner – who will receive a plethora (currently including CDs, DVDs and £30′s worth of Amazon vouchers) of top quality prizes and not just a few bags of mints like last year  – announced at the end of March.

If you’re looking for some inspiration try Howard from the Halifax, Jose from Polaris World, those freaky eyebrow kids from Cadburys, you get the idea.

So that’s the competition, get your kit on and get snapping and I look forward to seeing just how brilliant your entries are.

Right, I’m off to slip into my tight, red Virgin Atlantic uniform so I can look like an air-matress from the 80′s – not for the competition though, just because I like it.

Cheers,

Silky.

Prize Appeal 2009

If you’d like to donate a prize (however big or small but nothing too weird, please) to the TV’s Worst Adverts 2nd Birthday Fancy Dress Competition then not only would you get my enternal (well, a couple of weeks worth) thanks you’ll get a permanent link back to your site too.

Drop me a mail and let me know.

I think it’s fair to say that (to most football fans, at least) the worst adverts of last week featured in the Everton Liverpool 4th round FA cup clash at Goodison. Just as Everton scored the only goal of the match.

For anyone who didn’t 2 hours of a dire match to only then miss the one moment of excitement, here’s they are:

Ah, 22-a-side, Volkswagon Golfs for goal posts. Marvellous, isn’t it?

After a 6 month long absence and making a return that’s about as welcome as the current recession – after all, it’s slept with your wife and smashed up your collection of iconic miniature tractors - TV’s Worst Adverts‘ Worst Advert Award has made a come back to, well, to TV’s Worst Adverts.

The last time we saw each other, Picture Loans had the voting sown up.  In fact Picture Loans won the award so many times in a row it was as suspicious, and about as interesting, as Ulrika winning the latest series of Celebrity Big Brother.

But how times have changed. Here’s the top 5:

1. Glade – Touch and Fresh – I Want to Poo at Paul’s House
2. Take A Break – Tragedy
3. The Skills Centre – Tony?
4. Picture Loans – Dad’s Found Your Scooter
5. The Priests – The Priests Album

So there you have it, Glade’s jaw-droppingly bizarre I Want to Poo at Paul’s House wins January 2009′s TV’s Worst Advert Award.

It might have been more appropriate for it to have been number two but, as we all know, there are times – when you’ve been out on the black stuff or you’ve not eaten enough museli, say – that you have to settle for a number one.

Well done anyway, Glade.

Shameless Self Promotion

If you can just about tolerate TV’s Worst Advert in humourous internet based TV adverts blog form then you’ll probably like the TV’s Worst Adverts Facebook group a similar or slightly less amount. 

So why not join and find out?

Go on, there’s quite literally some discussion going on RIGHT NOW about the worst adverts on UK TV.

Subscribe to TWA’s RSS Feed

Like reading about rubbish TV adverts but too lazy to go as far as “clicking a few buttons and doing a bit of typing” to get it? Then why not subscribe to the TV’s Worst Adverts’ RSS Feed and get the latest rubbish sent straight to your feed reader? Simples.

Now, before I begin, I must give a full disclosure – the people at Foxy Bingo are good friends of TV’s Worst Adverts. When TWA turned one they were very generous to this blog’s readers. We’ll always like them for that.

But… I can’t help but think that TV’s Worst Adverts might have given Foxy Bingo something in return: the idea for ther new advert.

You see, when Foxy was reinvented for the last Foxy Bingo ad TV’s Worst Adverts mention that the new Foxy looked like Tony Manero and, would you Adam and Eve it, Foxy’s only doing his best Saturday Night Fever dance routine in their latest ad!

OK, I grant you that the last ad did feature a disco classic as the sound track but I can’t help but think this is a little more than a coincidence.

Has TV’s Worst Adverts finally given something back into the world of TV advertising?

If so, why is that dancing half-man/half-fox freaking me out so much?

Maybe we’ll never know.

In between lazing around and hurridly scribbling rubbish about TV adverts I occasionally like to “do stuff”.

It was in one of these rare moments that I created a new, better spelt TV’s Worst Adverts group on Facebook and I’d like you to join!

Go on, click the link thing below:

Why Should I Clown Face?

What with it being a Facebook group you can write things on the wall (“Ooh”!), upload videos (“Ahh!”) and – something that you might find genuinely useful – have a discussion about adverts.

What more could you want?

So, like I said, click the link thing below and join me over at Facebook:

Cheers, Silky.

So here it is, the winner of the Worst Advert of 2008 vote – the DFS Nickleback advert:

As a testament to how much you hated this handful of advertising monkey crap that DFS threw at us in 2008, it received a massive amount of the vote: nearly twice as much as the Slim Fast advert in second place.

So many congratulations to DFS for their success and a big thanks to all those who voted.

Cheers, Silky.

No run-up to the festive season would be complete without being subjected to some of the most mind bendingly god-awful perfume and aftershave adverts that TV has to offer.

So, just in case you aren’t sick enough of them already, here’s TV’s Worst Adverts top 5 worst perfume ads of 2008:

5 – Davidoff Cool Water with Josh Holloway

“Ooh look, it’s that bloke off Lost in the sea without his shirt on. I wonder if my muscles would be that big if I wore Davidoff Cool Water?”

Guff.

4 – Davidoff Adventure with Ewan McGregor

This one’s filed under “Biggest Sell Out of 2008″. Shame on you for this guff, Ewan.

3 – Davidoff Cool Water Women with Evangeline Lilly

“Ooh look! It’s that bird off Lost! In a swimsuit!”

Rounding off the Davidoff Holy Trinity of Guff is the Cool Water Woman advert in which quite literally NOTHING happens. What. So. Ever.

Taking lazy to a whole new level.

2 – Gucci by Gucci – David Lynch

To a sound track of Blondie, this hypnotic blur of light, colour and grown women stroking giant bottles of perfume is directed by Hollywood’s Nut Job in Chief David Lynch.

This advert cold just as easily be for permanent marker pens – which you wouldn’t put past Lynch.

1 – Chanel No 5 with Nicole Kidman

Despite the fact that Nicole and I will one day be married, her performance in this Chanel advert – that reportedly cost $102 million to make, by the way – is something we’re going to have to have a serious talk about.

As she appears in the dinner jacket and hams her way through the lines: “I’m a dancer. I love to dance!” makes me cringe so hard my boys go back inside the barracks.

An advert that’s as bad as it is long.

Any Other Business?

So that’s the TWA Top 5, if you’ve got any additons feel free to leave them in the comments below.