Apple – MacBook – Greenest MacBook Ever
8 March 2009 by SilkyIf there’s one thing I hate right now it’s being bullied about my “green credentials”. Hate it.
What makes me hate it even more is just how unjust it seems to bully me. Because even though (“Can I shock you?”) I’m not a scientist and I haven’t done any personal research into whether global warming actually exists, I’m not over into “fucking up Earth”. Plus as some reasonable sane looking people seem to think that global warming does exist and as I’m a “better safe than sorry” kind of bloke I’m trying to do my bit and be more mindful of my carbon footprint.
For example, I’ve put out that tyre fire which was raging at the bottom of my garden for a while. And I genuinely can’t remember the last time I ate an orangutan – be it deep fried or boiled.
As I say, I’m just “doing my bit”.
So here’s an example of the completely unjust green bullying that sends me absolutely enviro-mental (“I’ll get my coat”). I was genuinely asked this question by a guy working on the checkout at my local Waitrose supermarket (I know, get me, shopping at Waitrose!):
“Do you want a “Bag for Life” or do you want one that destroys the planet?”
Hmm, let me see. Do I want a “Bag for Life” or one that destroys the planet? Before I decide, could you tell me, do you have any bags that steal sweets from children or push grannies in front of buses as well? No? Shame, because that’s the level of bastardry I normally look for when selecting my carrier bag.
Well, I’ll have to settle for one that simply destroys the planet then, please.
Things are even worse on TV particularly in the adverts. If it’s not cars inspired by nature then it’s energy companies recycling stuff that probably makes no difference to the rain forest.
And now thanks to Apple’s advert for their new MacBook we’re even being bullied just for reading the dearly beloved TV’s Worst Adverts blog.
That’s right because unless you’re surfing the web using a new Apple MacBook or some device that you’ve cobbled together that’s powered by your own farts then you’re not being as “green” as you could be.
Research shows that non-MacBook computers and laptops use so much energy that everytime you download a porn film, a tree in the Amazon rain forest dies. I alone have deforested an area the size of Wales in just the last month.
And if that’s not bad enough, when the time comes and you condemn your computer to rot in a hole just outside Milton Keynes for eternity – or at the very least, to be shipped to Nigeria – then you’ll be releasing environmentally harmful toxins like Mercury.
And that, my friend, is a crime against the World’s air that’s even more dispicable than the one being commited by Apple’s Chinese “iPod City” factory.
You heartless cunts.
Right, enough ranting – I’m off to make myself I nice cup of tea. A task, I’ll have you know, that uses so much electricity it’s tantamount to raping a panda bear.
Ta ta.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(18 votes, average: 3.28 out of 5)
16Responses:
Ian
Said on the 8 March 2009
I would’ve complained to a manager had someone asked me that in a supermarket… But then I like to complain about petty things. Gives me a meaningful hobby, other than killing trees in the rain forest. you see, I have an old mac book pro, I’m evil and like to kill the environment. However on the Plus side, it generates enough heat out it’s back end to warm my whole flat…
Cat
Said on the 9 March 2009
I prefer my run of the mill, gas-fired, windows laptop.
Paul
Said on the 9 March 2009
You have gas? My linux box might be using brown coal but I bet it’s safer…
Anyway, you should have asked for a bag that just destroys people and suffocated him with it.
Gordon
Said on the 9 March 2009
I agree – you should have started your evil, despotic campaign to destroy the planet right there and then – one jumped up shop assistant at a time….. Then, once this very worthwhile task is complete, we can move on to jumped up computer suppliers and maybe those people who believe they are better than their jumped up suburban neighbours in their jumped up 4×4 gas guzzling people carriers because they use a marginally ”greener” computer.
GreyBob
Said on the 9 March 2009
I can’t believe that a guy on the checkout asked you that! Anyway, i hold no truck with this destroy the planet bollocks. The planet will be just fine, it’s the human race that’ll end up wiping itself out, I doubt the planet gives two fucks whether it’s surface is crawled over by humans or a load of beetles’n'insects’n'shit, therefore I declare the whole “Save The Planet” bandwagon a sham! It should be renamed “Save The Humans From Themselves, They’ve Fucked It Up Right Good And Proper This Time”.
Anyway, what’s wrong with getting all the rubbish in the world together, and firing it into the sun? Come on NASA!
If we all die it will be NASA’s fault….
And that crazy woman that threw some green stuff in a politician’s face then walked off with a kind of “I didn’t expect to get this far, not really planned ahead, guess I’ll just, go to the shops seeing as I’m London!” way. It’s her fault. Directly her fault.
Photosynthesis is awesome
Said on the 9 March 2009
“Do you want a “Bag for Life” or do you want one that destroys the planet?”
Waitrose sell bags that can destroy the planet? Sounds awfully dangerous to me, and we’re worried about nuclear proliferation?! Who is watching our supermarkets?
Also, surely they shouldn’t be allowed to call anything a ‘bag for life’ unless it’s indestructible?
Hafoot
Said on the 9 March 2009
“Waitrose sell bags that can destroy the planet? Sounds awfully dangerous to me, and we’re worried about nuclear proliferation?! Who is watching our supermarkets?”
I laughed hard!
Forgot what i was going to say now…
Li
Said on the 10 March 2009
Personally I think 90% of this global warming crap is a load of cobblers. Plus who cares if you’re using an old one? It’s one of their products so technically they made the gun and you’re just firing it ;D
CovertJellyfish
Said on the 10 March 2009
I got asked if I wanted a bag for life, I said “I’m already married, thanks”
R E Krishna
Said on the 11 March 2009
“Do you want a “Bag for Life” or do you want one that destroys the planet?” Presumably then one of their small bags would only destroy a small area of the planet. This is too good an opportunity to miss.
These bags could be sent to all the world’s troublespots. So much cheaper, safer, and more effective than sending troops.
Rich - Benidorm
Said on the 21 March 2009
Not much of a claim is it.
Not the greenest laptop or the greenest computer ever.
Just the greenest MacBook ever.
They could have had one less button on the keyboard and made the same claim.
Meady Ochre
Said on the 21 March 2009
Shopping bags started off killing babies, young children & small animals. Now they’re destroying entire planets. All hail the shopping bag!
HolaCow
Said on the 7 April 2009
A bag that destroys the planet? I would have asked for it to be double bagged for extra destruction.
Though a note to Apple, my notebook is more Green than their’s.
I made mine using indigenous tribal aborigines as labour who built it with sticks, cattle dung, old car parts and hand made glass for the screen. I power it by rubbing it against my fuzzy shirt, that gives me 2 hours of use.
liam.c
Said on the 8 May 2009
lol i would of asked for all the bags they had what a arse its kk for them to bring they goods in by lorries and overchage evry one but u caint hav the “evil” bag the world aint lasting forever anyway presides all apple employes should be shot for making itunes worst programe ever i want to listen to my musick not put it in a ciber jail sell
Andy
Said on the 9 May 2009
Nice alternative to the English language, thanks Liam.
BPDster
Said on the 19 February 2010
“Made without SOME environmentally harmful toxins”… So no mercury, but shitloads of anthrax.
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