SEX!

Yeah, that got your attention, didn’t it?

To be fair to you, you were probably already thinking about sex. Because that’s all you ever think about, isn’t it?

The only reason you get out of bed in the morning is so you can get back in it later and have sex. As you ride the train to work you’re thinking about all the dirty sexy sex that your dirty boss is having with his sexy secretary (you know, the one you’d really like to have sex with). And it’s all you can do to stop yourself passing out as the train enters a tunnel and you flick to page 3 of the Daily Mail and gawp at a dirty sexy pose picture of Carol Vorderman.

God, we’re obsessed with sex. And none of us are getting enough.

That’s why sex sells.

We actually think buying a *sexy* product will get us a few more notches on the bedstead. So in our exceptionally liberal society just about everything you could think of has been sexed up.

M&S sexed up their food range by getting sexy Dirvla Kirwan to read out ingredients as if she works on a sex phone line (”What are you wearing? Just knickers, I hope?” “I’m not just wearing knickers. I’m wearing crisp, clean, finest cotton M&S knickers” etc…).

And now Alpen have tried the same.

The trouble for Alpen is that Alpen simply isn’t in the slightest bit sexy. In fact, watching a video of John McCririck picking then eating the scabs off the herpes sores around Bella Emberg’s anus would make you sexier then eating a bowl of Alpen ever would do.

What’s more, Alpen is officially only Switzerland’s 2nd sexiest export after Roger Federer and I think that says it all.

Judge for yourself.

Just How Bad is this Ad?

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