Acorn Stairlift
18 May 2008 by SilkyDo you remember the good old days?
You know, when Britain was Great and when old people used to live in bungalows?
Well those days are gone, my friend.
Nowadays there’s either a hoodie or an illegal immigrant on every single street corner and old people don’t live in bungalows any more - they live in regular houses with stairs and everything.
“What’s this madness?” I hear you cry. “Old people cant do stairs!”
Cardigans - Yes.
Werthers - Yes.
Stairs - No.
But I’ll tell you why old people don’t live in bungalows any more, it’s because bungalows are for old people and old people don’t want to be old people. They want to be young people so pretend that they still are by living in young people’s houses. You know, the ones with stairs and everything.
And if you try to get them to move to a bungalow now, they flatly refuse. And we all know how belligerent old people can be. You’re forever hearing them say things like:
“Why did I come into this room?”
and
“Whoops, my trousers have fallen down”
and
“I didn’t discover the Arc of the Covenant and the Holy Grail and set free a shit load of enslaved Indian children to not live in a house with stairs!”
Leaving you with no choice but to reply:
“Look, they were just films, Harrison. You didn’t actually do any of that stuff. Now pull your trousers up and read this Acorn Stairlifts brochure you’ve been looking for.”
Yep, Acorn Stairlifts help give old people that eternal youth fantasy that all pensioners - well, the ones who don’t live in the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - are looking for.
Don’t believe me? Watch their advert.
WATCH IT!
Possibly. The. Worst. Advert. On. TV.
The lack of subtlety of the advert is amazing. It’s nearly the advertising equivalent of pulling your chair up really close to an old person and speaking loudly in their ear. This is undoubtedly because all old people are a little bit mental in the brain and can’t understand anything unless you clearly spell it out for them. You know, clearly spelt out or somehow related to a story about the War.
In fact, I don’t know why they didn’t just go the whole hog and have an advert that is simply a shot from a conservatory onto a garden, with a face that’s near the camera and out of focus, and a voice over saying:
“YOU KNOW ACORN STAIRLIFTS COULD REALLY HELP YOU GET ABOUT THE HOUSE MORE, DEARY. THAT’S RIGHT, CHURCHILL HAD ONE AT DUNKIRK.”
Anyways, it’s the whole little Jimmy sub-plot in this advert that throws me. You can’t help but feel sorry for him.
He’s clearly adopted (Come on, make some effort to get 3 actors that look vaguely alike) and he’s not coping with it very well. So he’s gone all “Romanian orphan” on us and is sat on a stool, tied to a bannister with a scarf, that he’s trying to make it go up and down with the remote for the tele.
Good God, Jimmy! You’re what, 10 years old? Don’t you have any friends to play with? From the way he’s dressed, I suspect not.
A shabby old t-shirt, trousers that are too short in the leg and (sharp intake of breath) sandals with socks! In my opinion making your child wear sandals with socks is tantamount to child abuse. You might as well send them Youth Hostelling on Jersey or to Austria to stay with Uncle Josef for few months. That’s how serious an offence “sandals with socks” actually is.
That’s the sort of thing that could scar a poor kid for life. It really could.
So when the old man proclaims “He’s going to be an engineer, like his Granddad.” (Although quite how the old duffer knows who the adopted kids Granddad is, isn’t explained), I suspect what’s closer to the truth is that little Jimmy is “going to be a little bit mental in his brain, like his Granddad”.
Because he’s sat on a stool, tied to a bannister with a scarf, that he’s trying to make it go up and down with the remote for the tele.
In reality I suspect it’s a highly clever way to make old men think that having a stair lift in their home isn’t such an embarrassment, particularly if it’s to help you do something for your grand kids. And yes, a lot of Grandsons look up to their Granddads. But it’s just so laughably unsubtle and such a ponderous tale (”Hang on a minute Dad, it’s gone quiet…”) that I want to scratch my own eyes out just to have something to do until the advert finishes.
Anyway, what do I really know? I’m off to lie in a cardboard box in front of the oven and try to operate a conveyor with my mobile phone so I can be just like my Granddad.
Ta ta.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
38 Votes
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21Responses:
Dave
May 18th, 2008 7:08 pm
I’d keep an eye on a kid who likes to tie scarves to bannisters hmmm, and what does the old twat in the ad want a stairllift for, he hardly looks if he has mobility problems, they could have at least employed an ‘actor’ who could pretend he had trouble getting up and down stairs, the old streak of piss jumps off the chair looking like he could still do handstands.
Gina
May 19th, 2008 11:37 am
The day I see a quality advert for stairlifts shown on Channel 5 in the afternoon is the day I lose faith in humanity. There’s something charming about the awfulness of this, such that I can’t quite bring myself to hate it.
This entry made me laugh like a fool.
Silky
May 19th, 2008 2:30 pm
Yes, I know what you mean, Gina, but I do think some of them walk a fine line between “charming” and “just plain patronising” though.
I can’t help but feel that adverts for old folks haven’t been the same since Dame Thora died.
pristina.org | everything design, everyday
May 19th, 2008 9:30 pm
[...] TV’s Worst Adverts » Acorn Stairlift » Some of UK TVs Worst Adverts Comments (0) [...]
Mou
May 21st, 2008 10:41 am
Ha! I work for them, but thankfully I had nothing to do with that advert…
Jonny Chestwig
May 21st, 2008 5:03 pm
Don’t try and slope the blame Mou, all emmployees of Acorn are jointly responsible for their adverts. I demand you resign immediately.
Jonny Chestwig
May 21st, 2008 5:04 pm
I accept full responsibility for my inability to spell ‘employee’, I shall now commit ritual suicide.
Mou
May 21st, 2008 9:09 pm
As it happens, I handed my notice in on monday. I think I may have lived this entire event in a dream sometime last week.
Jonny Chestwig
May 21st, 2008 10:20 pm
Hmm that’s a coincidence, perhaps Acorn haven’t realised that their adverts are causing them to haemmorhage staff, they must be told.
Mou
May 22nd, 2008 6:13 pm
LOL I’ll be sure to mention it in my exit interview!
Mr A Reaper esq
May 26th, 2008 6:17 am
we need to grow up as a species and take all the old people and have them destroyed as we do with all the other animals on this planet…..if a horse has a broken leg we destroy it..so we should do the same with the old folk….all they do is piss and shit themselves all day and they are such a drain on the NHS and then also there would then be more resources and space for the young ones….so come on acorn when you install your next chair lift make sure you wire the fucker up to the mains so that you can fry the old fucker…..
St Peter
May 26th, 2008 7:12 am
I disagree with the comment above, I’m a little busy at the moment what with one thing and another going on in Asia and I’m not sure I could handle the extra trade. Frankly I’m surprised that Mr Reaper is being so greedy with business as good as it is at the moment.
Mr A Reaper Esq
May 29th, 2008 4:51 am
Do not worry yourself unduly St P my dearest old friend will take care of those buggers in asia and soon the north of england whoops giving too much away there arn’t i..anyhow you wont get them anyway P there going down stairs to my dearest and blondest friend old nick iam sure he can look after them quite well…..so remember children always look both ways and then run out in front of the bus….this was brought to you by acorn stairlifts killing the old to make way for the young……
TV’s Worst Adverts » May's TV's Worst Advert Award » Some of UK TVs Worst Adverts
June 1st, 2008 7:56 pm
[...] It’s a month that has seen what I think could well be a long running favourite here at TWA, Acorn Stair Lifts. [...]
Phunky
June 2nd, 2008 12:21 pm
Thing is this is just one of the series of ad’s its got the whole “bisto” family feel to them when you watch them.
http://acornstairlifts.tv/
Try channel 101, 102, 103 etc…
Paul
June 3rd, 2008 2:35 pm
Not only does the old fella get off the chair pretty sharpish, he also starts pacing around in the hallway. He’s the very model of vigour and vim - yet he needs a chair to get downstairs?
But the worst of it is that it positively encourages kids to play around with scarves and bannisters….
Granny Farts
June 17th, 2008 10:07 am
Very funny comment by Mr A Reaper esq above made me laugh. Perhaps a little harsh. You could maybe lead the way with this new idea Mr A Reaper esq the next time you malfunction. By the way the advert above is bloody terrible, ask yourself this: who in the right mind would make a advert like this. You couldnt make an advert this bad if you tried
Mr A Reaper Esq
June 18th, 2008 1:02 pm
Dear Granny Farts if only mankind would grow up and start to reduce their population…..very shortly there will be rioting in the streets and the crash of currency around the world and then ive got all you bloody humans down here with me….when will you grow up and smell the blade…the stair life is the first of many devices that will knock you off one by one until the naimals rule the earth again…for more information please read the first 4 chapters of genesis….and dont forget children that a good sharp knife is very usefly when slashing your wrists in a nice warm bath….ta ta for now…or is it
R E Krishna
July 16th, 2008 12:39 pm
I fear Mr Reaper that you are flogging a dead horse looking for customers here. The other side has it all sewn up. Led Zeppelin even wrote a song about it many years ago…Stairlift to Heaven.
Cathryn
August 12th, 2008 11:05 am
this is bad
very much
Cyril Sneer
September 22nd, 2008 3:37 pm
We installed one of these stairlifts for our gran, she is 128 and needs help, so we cleaned her bank account out and had it installed.
£24,000 it cost, first time gran used it it broke and she was left in the chair halfway up the stairs for 2 weeks before anyone noticed.
What a way to go! Rotting in your own piss and shit.
We sent it back and got a full refund though, so it wasnt all bad
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