Acorn Stairlift
18 May 2008 by SilkyDo you remember the good old days?
You know, when Britain was Great and when old people used to live in bungalows?
Well those days are gone, my friend.
Nowadays there’s either a hoodie or an illegal immigrant on every single street corner and old people don’t live in bungalows any more – they live in regular houses with stairs and everything.
“What’s this madness?” I hear you cry. “Old people cant do stairs!”
Cardigans – Yes.
Werthers – Yes.
Stairs – No.
But I’ll tell you why old people don’t live in bungalows any more, it’s because bungalows are for old people and old people don’t want to be old people. They want to be young people so pretend that they still are by living in young people’s houses. You know, the ones with stairs and everything.
And if you try to get them to move to a bungalow now, they flatly refuse. And we all know how belligerent old people can be. You’re forever hearing them say things like:
“Why did I come into this room?”
and
“Whoops, my trousers have fallen down”
and
“I didn’t discover the Arc of the Covenant and the Holy Grail and set free a shit load of enslaved Indian children to not live in a house with stairs!”
Leaving you with no choice but to reply:
“Look, they were just films, Harrison. You didn’t actually do any of that stuff. Now pull your trousers up and read this Acorn Stairlifts brochure you’ve been looking for.”
Yep, Acorn Stairlifts help give old people that eternal youth fantasy that all pensioners – well, the ones who don’t live in the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – are looking for.
Don’t believe me? Watch their advert.
WATCH IT!
Possibly. The. Worst. Advert. On. TV.
The lack of subtlety of the advert is amazing. It’s nearly the advertising equivalent of pulling your chair up really close to an old person and speaking loudly in their ear. This is undoubtedly because all old people are a little bit mental in the brain and can’t understand anything unless you clearly spell it out for them. You know, clearly spelt out or somehow related to a story about the War.
In fact, I don’t know why they didn’t just go the whole hog and have an advert that is simply a shot from a conservatory onto a garden, with a face that’s near the camera and out of focus, and a voice over saying:
“YOU KNOW ACORN STAIRLIFTS COULD REALLY HELP YOU GET ABOUT THE HOUSE MORE, DEARY. THAT’S RIGHT, CHURCHILL HAD ONE AT DUNKIRK.”
Anyways, it’s the whole little Jimmy sub-plot in this advert that throws me. You can’t help but feel sorry for him.
He’s clearly adopted (Come on, make some effort to get 3 actors that look vaguely alike) and he’s not coping with it very well. So he’s gone all “Romanian orphan” on us and is sat on a stool, tied to a bannister with a scarf, that he’s trying to make it go up and down with the remote for the tele.
Good God, Jimmy! You’re what, 10 years old? Don’t you have any friends to play with? From the way he’s dressed, I suspect not.
A shabby old t-shirt, trousers that are too short in the leg and (sharp intake of breath) sandals with socks! In my opinion making your child wear sandals with socks is tantamount to child abuse. You might as well send them Youth Hostelling on Jersey or to Austria to stay with Uncle Josef for few months. That’s how serious an offence “sandals with socks” actually is.
That’s the sort of thing that could scar a poor kid for life. It really could.
So when the old man proclaims “He’s going to be an engineer, like his Granddad.” (Although quite how the old duffer knows who the adopted kids Granddad is, isn’t explained), I suspect what’s closer to the truth is that little Jimmy is “going to be a little bit mental in his brain, like his Granddad”.
Because he’s sat on a stool, tied to a bannister with a scarf, that he’s trying to make it go up and down with the remote for the tele.
In reality I suspect it’s a highly clever way to make old men think that having a stair lift in their home isn’t such an embarrassment, particularly if it’s to help you do something for your grand kids. And yes, a lot of Grandsons look up to their Granddads. But it’s just so laughably unsubtle and such a ponderous tale (“Hang on a minute Dad, it’s gone quiet…”) that I want to scratch my own eyes out just to have something to do until the advert finishes.
Anyway, what do I really know? I’m off to lie in a cardboard box in front of the oven and try to operate a conveyor with my mobile phone so I can be just like my Granddad.
Ta ta.
Just How Bad is this Ad?
(48 votes, average: 4.48 out of 5)
30Responses:
Dave
Said on the 18 May 2008
I’d keep an eye on a kid who likes to tie scarves to bannisters hmmm, and what does the old twat in the ad want a stairllift for, he hardly looks if he has mobility problems, they could have at least employed an ‘actor’ who could pretend he had trouble getting up and down stairs, the old streak of piss jumps off the chair looking like he could still do handstands.
Gina
Said on the 19 May 2008
The day I see a quality advert for stairlifts shown on Channel 5 in the afternoon is the day I lose faith in humanity. There’s something charming about the awfulness of this, such that I can’t quite bring myself to hate it.
This entry made me laugh like a fool.
Silky
Said on the 19 May 2008
Yes, I know what you mean, Gina, but I do think some of them walk a fine line between “charming” and “just plain patronising” though.
I can’t help but feel that adverts for old folks haven’t been the same since Dame Thora died.
pristina.org | everything design, everyday
Said on the 19 May 2008
[...] TV’s Worst Adverts » Acorn Stairlift » Some of UK TVs Worst Adverts Comments (0) [...]
Mou
Said on the 21 May 2008
Ha! I work for them, but thankfully I had nothing to do with that advert…
Jonny Chestwig
Said on the 21 May 2008
Don’t try and slope the blame Mou, all emmployees of Acorn are jointly responsible for their adverts. I demand you resign immediately.
Jonny Chestwig
Said on the 21 May 2008
I accept full responsibility for my inability to spell ‘employee’, I shall now commit ritual suicide.
Mou
Said on the 21 May 2008
As it happens, I handed my notice in on monday. I think I may have lived this entire event in a dream sometime last week.
Jonny Chestwig
Said on the 21 May 2008
Hmm that’s a coincidence, perhaps Acorn haven’t realised that their adverts are causing them to haemmorhage staff, they must be told.
Mou
Said on the 22 May 2008
LOL I’ll be sure to mention it in my exit interview!
Mr A Reaper esq
Said on the 26 May 2008
we need to grow up as a species and take all the old people and have them destroyed as we do with all the other animals on this planet…..if a horse has a broken leg we destroy it..so we should do the same with the old folk….all they do is piss and shit themselves all day and they are such a drain on the NHS and then also there would then be more resources and space for the young ones….so come on acorn when you install your next chair lift make sure you wire the fucker up to the mains so that you can fry the old fucker…..
St Peter
Said on the 26 May 2008
I disagree with the comment above, I’m a little busy at the moment what with one thing and another going on in Asia and I’m not sure I could handle the extra trade. Frankly I’m surprised that Mr Reaper is being so greedy with business as good as it is at the moment.
Mr A Reaper Esq
Said on the 29 May 2008
Do not worry yourself unduly St P my dearest old friend will take care of those buggers in asia and soon the north of england whoops giving too much away there arn’t i..anyhow you wont get them anyway P there going down stairs to my dearest and blondest friend old nick iam sure he can look after them quite well…..so remember children always look both ways and then run out in front of the bus….this was brought to you by acorn stairlifts killing the old to make way for the young……
TV’s Worst Adverts » May's TV's Worst Advert Award » Some of UK TVs Worst Adverts
Said on the 1 June 2008
[...] It’s a month that has seen what I think could well be a long running favourite here at TWA, Acorn Stair Lifts. [...]
Phunky
Said on the 2 June 2008
Thing is this is just one of the series of ad’s its got the whole “bisto” family feel to them when you watch them.
http://acornstairlifts.tv/
Try channel 101, 102, 103 etc…
Paul
Said on the 3 June 2008
Not only does the old fella get off the chair pretty sharpish, he also starts pacing around in the hallway. He’s the very model of vigour and vim – yet he needs a chair to get downstairs?
But the worst of it is that it positively encourages kids to play around with scarves and bannisters….
Granny Farts
Said on the 17 June 2008
Very funny comment by Mr A Reaper esq above made me laugh. Perhaps a little harsh. You could maybe lead the way with this new idea Mr A Reaper esq the next time you malfunction. By the way the advert above is bloody terrible, ask yourself this: who in the right mind would make a advert like this. You couldnt make an advert this bad if you tried
Mr A Reaper Esq
Said on the 18 June 2008
Dear Granny Farts if only mankind would grow up and start to reduce their population…..very shortly there will be rioting in the streets and the crash of currency around the world and then ive got all you bloody humans down here with me….when will you grow up and smell the blade…the stair life is the first of many devices that will knock you off one by one until the naimals rule the earth again…for more information please read the first 4 chapters of genesis….and dont forget children that a good sharp knife is very usefly when slashing your wrists in a nice warm bath….ta ta for now…or is it
R E Krishna
Said on the 16 July 2008
I fear Mr Reaper that you are flogging a dead horse looking for customers here. The other side has it all sewn up. Led Zeppelin even wrote a song about it many years ago…Stairlift to Heaven.
Cathryn
Said on the 12 August 2008
this is bad
very much
Cyril Sneer
Said on the 22 September 2008
We installed one of these stairlifts for our gran, she is 128 and needs help, so we cleaned her bank account out and had it installed.
£24,000 it cost, first time gran used it it broke and she was left in the chair halfway up the stairs for 2 weeks before anyone noticed.
What a way to go! Rotting in your own piss and shit.
We sent it back and got a full refund though, so it wasnt all bad
Mr A Reaper Esq
Said on the 22 October 2008
Well Well Well looks like the man with the scythe was right after all here we are now in October and look the worlds currency markets have gone tits up and bugger me i still havent purchased a shite stair lift to get me up from hades…..anyhow dear humans i will tell you that within the next 2 months the markets will be back on their feet Barrack Bin Laden will have won the american election and i will have topped the charts with “come on down” (the scythe’s alright)….anyhow mortal humans time to go and remember dont buy the stair lifts as i may be waiting at the bottom of the stairs ……see you all on the 31st of the 10……..xx
richard
Said on the 28 October 2008
ive just had a urethra moment, why not combine a stairlift with a bog ? then you could have a satisfying shit while you wait to get to the bottom !
Acorn's TV Ad for Stairlifts Upsets Younger Generations... | Value Stairlifts - Blog
Said on the 24 December 2008
[...] the article here: Worst TV Adverts (and vote if you [...]
David
Said on the 30 March 2009
Channel Five and ITV1 have too many breaks during their Saturday afternoon programmes, and show the same adverts, too!
M.GUEST
Said on the 2 December 2009
ACORN STAIRLIFT COMPANY ARE A TOTAL NIGHTMARE AND LETDOWN. GRAB YOUR CONTRACT MONEY AND THEN YOU BEG AND PLEAD FOR SERVICES. AFTER MANY YEARS AND 100′S OF POUNDS I GIVE UP AND I AM STILL ARGUING WITH PHONE ANSWERING STAFF (FREEPHONE NUMBER) WHO KEEP FOBBING ME OF AND GIVING ME 0845 NUMBERS ETC. AND IT GOES ON AND ON. HOW MANY OTHER USERS ARE SUFFERING FROM THEIR LACK OF ‘STAFF’ WHATEVER???????????????? ASK FOR DIRECTORS NAME TODAY AND TOLD I AM TAKING THEM TO THE SMALL CLAIMS COURT FOR BREACH OF CONTRACT…….WOW…..SUDDENLY HE ‘CAN’ NOW GET SOMEONE TO RING ME AND SORT OUT A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BETTER LATE THAN NEVER I SUPPOSE BUT THEN THEY HAV’NT DONE IT YET!!!!!!
Andrew
Said on the 11 February 2010
The best place to look for stair lifts, its the leader in quality stair lifts manufacturing and the option to choose according to needs make it a destination of returning customers for stair lifts, easy payment options and quality products are its forte.
Me
Said on the 12 February 2010
Acorn are a bunch of crooks. – They rip-off old people for a fortune for stair-lifts and then when they break down within a week they pressure sell them insurance to have it repaired! When I say insurance – I mean £2000 for what they should have under statutory rights anyway. The salesman was so pushy on the phone to my uncle he had a heart attack. I hope they rot in hell.
Ad Hater 2.0
Said on the 12 February 2010
Not related to Acorn but it’s still a stairlift advert. I just want to say that I’m fucking sick of those annoying Stannah Stairlift ads. There are two different ads. First we have this one where the person fitting the stairlift asks for measurements of the guy and says he’s 6ft. Then he stands on his fucking tip toes while mentioning a damp patch which the wife looks at. This begs the question, if you can stand on your tip toes then WHY DO YOU NEED A FUCKING STAIRLIFT?!
The second ad has this annoying woman baking cakes for someone who’s come to put in a stairlift. “You’re in luck, you caught me right in the middle of baking!” FUCK OFF!
Disgruntled
Said on the 28 June 2010
Pfft … Acorns Stairlifts …. con artists. Just found this site/page, and am at moment in process of sending strong letter of complaint to get them to buy back a stairlift fitted in my late mothers home. The salesman stated verbally, which btw, is a legal contract, they would buy it back if anything happened to her, after her death i read the small print and it states We Do Not Buy the Goods BACK … we’ll see, Trading Standards, Newspapers here we come, let’s see how Acorn like the pressure being put on THEM
Got Something to Add?